Got Etiquette Advice?

Dear Polite One, My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for 25 years.  In the past, he gave me a gift on Valentine’s Day and for our anniversary but never for Christmas or my birthday.  Now he doesn’t give me anything, not even a card.  How do I respond to that? Tracy Dear Tracy, In my opinion and experience, most men are much more direct than women.  Women tend to "infer" their preferences, while men directly state them.  It may be best for you to speak directly to your husband about your feelings.  Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable purchasing gifts .  Perhaps his feelings have changed.  You won't know unless you discuss this with him.  But prepare to hear something you may not want to hear.  I hope it is not hurtful.  Having said this, I am not a therapist or a relationship expert, although I have some experience due to my job.  I can only offer my opinion.  So, take my advi...

  Dear Polite One , My aunt is hosting a baby shower for me soon.  Because she has limited space, I was asked to provide just a few names. Imagine my aunt's surprise, and mine, when my mother-in-law invited several people on her own.  Now I feel embarrassed and more than a little angry.  We left some close family out due to space.   What should I do?                      Sincerely, Hurt daughter-in-law.              Dear Hurt daughter-in-law, I am so sorry your mother-in-law added this stress at this time.  It was inexcusable.  Does your husband realize what his mother did? If not, it may be best to mention it to him along with how you feel about it. You two should stand together on this and nip this type of behavior in the bud.  If he can't or won't for whatever reason, ...

Dear Polite One, My husband is a 3rd.  My father-in-law and grandfather-in-law are still alive. So, should my son be the 4th? When my husband's grandfather passes—very soon, unfortunately—there will only be the 3rd and 4th.  In the future, if my son, as a 4th, has a son of the same name, would the son become the 5th or begin again as a 1st. Confused Dear Confused, All these numbers . (smile) Your son would be the fourth and his son would be the fifth. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Should Americans bow & curtsy for royalty? How to Handle Three Everyday Manners Problems How to Deal With Sticky Family Issues

Ah, new relationships...so sweet.  Still, at times it seems we’re walking on ice as if we have to watch every step or slip right through into cold water.  Do I do this, that, or go in a different direction.  Too many questions and variables.  Perhaps these two situations may clear up some doubts.  Should I give a gift to a new boyfriend? Hello Polite One,   I am in a new relationship, just a few months of romantic bliss.  With the holidays approaching, I was wondering if I should give him a gift.  On one hand, I'd like to give him a gift  but on the other, I don’t want to make him feel obligated to return the favor.    What does dating and relationship etiquette dictate?    Thank You,  Visitor Dear Visitor,  Gifts are always optional even when a relationship grows into something more. However, it isn’t wrong to give him a gift .  A great, non-committal type, a gift would b...

  How to deal with freeloading in-laws? Dear Polite One,  Our married son recently received his Air Force wings.  As a former Navy pilot, my husband is especially proud, as am I.  So, we wanted to be there with him to attend his acceptance ceremony.  His in-laws insisted on attending as well, which on the face of it sounds wonderful. However, my son and his wife live in a small apartment with little spare room for guests.  Her parents arrived before us and stayed with them, forcing us to lodge a hotel room; we didn’t want to crowd them too much and be a burden.  We all went out for dinner celebrating our son’s achievement and the in-laws didn’t offer to pay their part.  Out of respect for our daughter-in-law, we paid for all of it. This is not the first time and I doubt it will be the last.  They impeded on our time with our son and freeload on our generosity.  I need relationship etiquette advice on how to deal with them in the ...

    Any type of commitment is a test.   One that should be taken seriously, if one is serious.   Logically, this would mean that when in a personal relationship with another person, your focus would naturally be on the other’s feelings, comfort, and well-being.   When that isn’t the case, well, you just may have failed that test.   How to tell my boyfriend to stop touching other women? Hello Polite One,  Please help me with relationship etiquette, as I feel I am not subjective with this issue.    My boyfriend is always touching other women when he talks to them.  The kicker is that I’m standing right next to him and he excludes me from the conversation. Sometimes when we are out at a restaurant, he’ll leave me at the table to talk to others as well.  It always seems to revolve around females too.  Is this appropriate? Fuming Dear Fuming ,  This shouldn’t be a problem if he is a “touchy-feely” type of ...

What to do about an intrusive neighbor boy? Dear Polite One,  I have always taught my 5-year-old son to never invite himself to anyone’s home. However, our neighbor boy is exactly the opposite.  He always invites himself to our home at all hours no matter who else is visiting.  The mother is no better, as she calls asking to send him over.  How do I convey that this is rude behavior?  I don’t want to tell her that she has no parenting skills. What is proper neighbor etiquette ?   Frustrated Mom Dear Frustrated Mom,  Bravo on your parenting skills and preparing your son for a well-mannered future.  I agree that it is 'rude' to invite oneself to someone else's home.  Since it is also impolite to correct other’s manners, you may have to teach your neighbor through your actions.  You could politely tell the boy that it is best for him to wait for an invite, as your schedule changes from time to time, and your son wouldn’t kno...

  When an in-law’s behavior suddenly changes after the birth of their first grandchild, one is left wondering why.  Is it jealousy or simply finally displaying what was once hidden? This young mother is experiencing exactly that.  What should she do?  Dear Polite One,  My mother-in-law appears to hate me since the birth of our baby.  They love our daughter and take pictures of her and my husband but ignores me.  The hurt has been building, but I haven’t wanted to say anything. Now my husband can see it as well, as his mother will tell him to take the baby from me so she can get a picture.  I don’t know what has changed in our relationship, but she now refers to me as “she” and “her”.  She won’t even say my name.  Even though my husband sees what is going on, he won’t confront his mother or try to include me when his mother openly excludes me.  I’m beginning to resent him nearly as much as her at this point.  What can I d...

  Abusers tend to use the same playbook: placate their prey, and then make excuses why the prey is worthy of abuse until the prey is worn down.   The cycle continues until the prey finds a way to stop it.   The abuser, typically, doesn’t have a reason or will to stop.   So, how does the abused end this cycle?   It’s never easy.   This is one of those cases.   How to Deal With Abusive Mother Dear Polite One,  Typically, when someone comes to visit, a host would plan enjoyable activities, choose restaurants to visit, tourist activities based on the guest's preferences.  However, this host doesn't want to even be in the same room with the impending guest, let alone host her.   My abusive mother is coming to visit me, even though we haven't spoken in two years, and she continues to abuse my siblings.  I stuck up for my siblings and there was a huge fight.  She acts as if nothing has transpired between us.  I didn't invite...

  Dear Polite One,  My father was very verbally abusive to my siblings, my mother, and me my entire life. I've maintained my sanity by staying away from him.  My mother finally left him and is fine.  We are very close.  My siblings are fine as well but tend to keep everyone at a distance.  None of us are close.   Now for my issue.  My father is dying, has just a few months to live.  He has no family besides his children, who want nothing to do with him.  As the oldest and the one who lives closest to him, I feel obligated to care for him in his last days.  At the same time, I know from what others have told me that he hasn't changed a bit.  He's still as cruel and mean as ever.  What do I do?  How do I deal with this abusive dying father?  Guilt trip Dear Guilt Trip,  A little play on words here: You are not your father's keeper.  You aren't.  He is abusive and hurtful, and this...

  T ypically, family and friends realize a new mother needs her rest.   Additionally, the baby may need a germ and virus-free environment .   That is the least the pandemic has taught us.   So, it would figure most would know this simple truth.   Well, sometimes not.   What follows is a perfect example.   New Mom Wants to Sleep Dear Polite One,  I'm a mother of a newborn.  So, as you would imagine, I'm tired after being up all night with a fussy baby.  My husband, who is normally supportive, thinks that I should meet with visitors who arrive baring meals, even if I'm resting.  I, on the other hand, feel that they would understand that I've had little sleep and wouldn't want to disturb me.  After all, that's why they've brought ready-made meals.   Who is right here?  Sleepy Mom Dear Sleepy Mom,  This is an easy one.  If you are resting , continue resting. You are correct that your f...

  The wife is a doctor, so how to address the envelope? Dear Polite One,   I am a doctor and need to send out invitations.  Is the form correct for my return address: Sam and Dr. Jane Brown.     Doc Brown Dear Doc Brown,   Although this form is not too off, this is the best form: Dr. Jan and Mr. Sam Brown.  You are mentioned first because of your status.     The Polite One How to acknowledge an anniversary after my sister’s death? Dear Polite One,   My sister passed away last year.  This is my brother-in-law's first year without her for what would have been their 40th anniversary .  I want to let him know that he is still family even though she is gone and acknowledge the anniversary somehow.  Would a card be appropriate?   Visitor Dear Visitor,   Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.    A letter might be the best way of conveying your feelings,...