Skip to main content

How to deal with abusive family members.

 How to deal with abusive parents

Abusers tend to use the same playbook: placate their prey, and then make excuses why the prey is worthy of abuse until the prey is worn down.  The cycle continues until the prey finds a way to stop it.  The abuser, typically, doesn’t have a reason or will to stop.  So, how does the abused end this cycle?  It’s never easy.  This is one of those cases.  

How to Deal With Abusive Mother

Dear Polite One, 

Typically, when someone comes to visit, a host would plan enjoyable activities, choose restaurants to visit, tourist activities based on the guest's preferences.  However, this host doesn't want to even be in the same room with the impending guest, let alone host her.  

My abusive mother is coming to visit me, even though we haven't spoken in two years, and she continues to abuse my siblings.  I stuck up for my siblings and there was a huge fight.  She acts as if nothing has transpired between us.  I didn't invite her, but she bought her plane ticket and plans on staying with me for a week. What in the hell do I do with her?  

Miserable and Stressed 

Dear Miserable and Stressed,  

I see only two clear choices.  One is to pretend that there is no continuing abuse and you two are fine. In the end, you might have some sort of relationship with your mother, albeit a difficult one.  The other choice is to be honest and tell your mother that you cannot have a relationship with her until she seeks help.  There is nothing wrong with telling her to cancel her visit based on her abusive nature. This is an option.   

Perhaps if you were to be brutally honest about why you don't want her in your home, she might have to face her abuse of your siblings.  This is criminal behavior and really should not be hushed.  But it would be difficult since the natural reaction from those who have been abused is to give in and pretend that everything is simply fine.  Plus, there is no guarantee that she wouldn't take it out on your siblings.   

Best wishes, 

The Polite One

How to Deal With Abusive Sister-in-Law

Dear Polite One, 

I came from an extremely abusive family. I have been in therapy for years and feel that I am now a ‘whole person. One of my brothers has married a very abusive wife. One day my son, who was 4 at the time, and I was visiting my brother and his wife, my son began to touch a vase. My sister-in-law began yelling at him using profanities and threatening to hurt him.  That is only one of the many incidents that have happened. 

I am afraid to expose my son to her abusive behavior and want to protect myself as well.  It took too many years for me to be this sane.  May I politely avoid them?

Afraid for son

Dear Afraid for Son,

Please do not feel bad about wanting to protect you and your son.  It is not healthy for any of us to associate with abusive people no matter who they are.  It is unfortunate that your brother cannot see what is happening.  But you are doing the right thing, for you and your family.

Please share your experiences.

Similar Post

What to do about dying abusive dad?

What to do about hurtful mother-in-law?

My Brother is Rude to My Children!



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What is California Cocktail Attire?

Dear Polite One , What is California cocktail attire? Thank you, Confused Dear Confused , There is no such thing.   At times, it feels as if hosts just like to make these things up to confuse their guests.   I’m sure that’s not the case.   Still...      Many hosts try to create a “feeling,” or more appropriately, “set the stage” for an event.   So, they will incorporate a well-known attire category with a word that describes that elusive stage.   This leads to the confusion we both feel since neither of us can actually see inside their minds.   So, I suggest going with slightly laid-back cocktail attire, which typically is the suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women.    Perhaps skip the tie and accessories that appear expensive.   Additionally, it is appropriate to call the host and ask for clarification.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Decode a Dress Code Proper Formal Attire: Benefits, Ballet, and Glove

3 Most Asked Questions About Listing Doctors on Envelopes

  How to List Doctors on Invitation Envelope? Dear Polite One , How does one address an envelope for the two following scenarios? 1) The wife is a physician, but the husband is not. 2) Both the wife and husband are physicians, and she used her maiden name. Lots of Doctors Dear Lots of Doctors, The doctor and husband: Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith The doctor couple: Doctor Jane Jones Doctor John Smith Most sincerely, The Polite One What is the Proper Salutation for Doctor Couple? Dear Polite One , How do you write the correct salutation when both the husband and wife are doctors? Doctors All-Around Dear Doctors All-Around, If you are close friends, you would use their first names.  If this is a formal or business letter, you would use the title doctor for both: Doctors Smith, Doctor Sam Smith, and Doctor Tina Smith, or Doctors Tina and Sam Smith.  Most sincerely, The Polite One Don’t Know Husband’s Name and the Wife is a Doctor!   How to

How to address a divorced woman? Mrs or Ms?

  Dear Polite One, Should I use "Mrs." or "Ms." when sending correspondence to a divorced woman? Wondering from Kansas Dear Wondering from Kansas, Both Mrs. and Ms. are proper when addressing a letter to a divorced woman. If you choose to use Mrs., you will use her first name and last name: Mrs. Jane Brown. However, Ms. is the most common title for women these days, because marital status does not define any of us. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? How to reschedule a retirement party? Mother-in-law added names to the guest list!