Got Etiquette Advice?

  Dear Polite One, What do I wear to a cocktail party? Thank you, A cool and fantastic ten-year-old Hello Cool and Fantastic, You are too young for a cocktail party!   (Grandmother advice)   Still, if you were to attend one, a nice dress or cool pantsuit would be best. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Decode a Dress Code What is Party Casual Attire? What is California Cocktail Attire?

Dear Polite One, I was wondering if you could tell me what kind of clothing to wear for a gathering labeled "party casual "?  Would it be dresses for ladies or pants?  And would it be ties and a shirt or a casual shirt like a nice polo and pants for men? Thank you, Jill Dear Jill, Sigh.   There is no such dress code.  Unfortunately, this makes it more difficult for guests.    Deductively thinking, this attire is dressy casual: the attire you would wear to a very nice restaurant. Enjoy your party! Sincerely, The Polite One Jill’s Response Dear Polite One , Thank you so much for your reply.  Both my husband and I thought there was no such thing.   With his job, we attend numerous events a year and never hear of " party casual".  Silly!!  I think they are just messing with us.   And you were correct about the attire choice.   We both dressed as you suggested and fit in nicely. Thank you!   Sincerely, Jill Dear Jill, Thank you!  At

Dear Polite One , What is California cocktail attire? Thank you, Confused Dear Confused , There is no such thing.   At times, it feels as if hosts just like to make these things up to confuse their guests.   I’m sure that’s not the case.   Still...      Many hosts try to create a “feeling,” or more appropriately, “set the stage” for an event.   So, they will incorporate a well-known attire category with a word that describes that elusive stage.   This leads to the confusion we both feel since neither of us can actually see inside their minds.   So, I suggest going with slightly laid-back cocktail attire, which typically is the suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women.    Perhaps skip the tie and accessories that appear expensive.   Additionally, it is appropriate to call the host and ask for clarification.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Decode a Dress Code Proper Formal Attire: Benefits, Ballet, and Glove

Hello, Polite One, Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to learn from you, Ms. Black. I either suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder or am appalled by discontinuities in common manners .  I think I prefer the latter since the former is simply much too clinical for me. My question: when I make a dish like "Chile Con Queso" or some "Pico de Gallo," the kids (all four 25+) grab chips from the bag and all dip from the common bowl as opposed to what I think should occur; that being everyone should have their own dip filled bowls on a plate with chips on the plate.  I somehow find it simply unthinkable to share from a common bowl.  What do you think?  Here's another little gem...when the kids arrive after a long road trip, I find it unsettling that they do not bother to shower before they go to bed.  I find it unsettling still when they arrive that they take their shoes off and rest their sweaty feet on my coffee table or my sofa before they sh

  Dear Polite One, I’m not sure about the proper etiquette for this.   My food allergies make it difficult when invited to dinner at a friend’s home.   When is the best time to inform my host and how? Thank you, Dana Dear Dana, It is best to let the host know as soon as you are invited .  Many people have food restrictions or allergies.  It is helpful for the host to know of this.   You can use any method to inform the host. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One It’s Just Food How to Set a Table For Pre-Plated Dinner Tines Up or Down?

Dear Polite One, I want to throw my first dinner party and I am very new to this.  I would like to serve the food pre-plated.  My question is, how should I set the table?  Should I only set out the flatware, napkin, and glasses? I love the look of having everything laid out, but it doesn't seem practical in this circumstance.  Is there a happy compromise to be made? Thanks, Rachel, Utah Dear Rachel, You could set it like that.  But it is more proper to use chargers as well.  These are large plates that ‘save’ the setting until the first course is finished.  You set the first-course plate or bowl on top of this large plate and then remove all when it is finished.  Sincerely, The Polite One Picture Credit: Table setting at the 2019 Paulée Dinner at DeLoach Vineyards in Santa Rosa, California; Sarah Stierch ( CC BY 4.0 ); File:2019 Paulee Dinner - Stierch 05.jpg - Wikimedia Commons   More by The Polite One It’s Just Food Learn how to eat quesadillas, and bread

  Hi Polite One, I have been searching online but couldn't find an answer.  Do you know if setting the forks, tines down instead of the traditional tines pointing up, on the table is considered appropriate?  Here in NYC, some fancy restaurants do that, and my friend argued that "they don't know what they are doing" when I think it is just a modern variation. You as the expert should have some thoughts about it. Thanks. Girlie Chang, NYC Dear Girlie Chang, It is fine and is done often, although we don’t accept it as completely proper.  In a restaurant, they are trying to create drama.  Therefore, they may place their napkins in glasses as well.  This is also not how we traditionally set our tables.  But it looks nice.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One It’s Just Food Learn how to eat quesadillas, and bread and butter politely. How did the American method begin?

Hi Polite One, We are hosting a dinner party for 8.  I have reviewed a few etiquette websites, but none of them answer these questions. How long should there be between courses? If it will be a while because of prep time, should guests be encouraged to get up from the table? Is soup always served before salad? I may have to tend to the entree while soup/salad is served.  Is this rude? I guess my issue is about timing.  I know how long my menu will take to prep, but I don't know how long my guests will take to eat, and I don't want things to burn/get cold/overcook. Lastly, we always eat at our breakfast nook table, which is really in the kitchen.  We have had one family Thanksgiving where we ate at the dining room table, but people seemed uncomfortable because of the formality of the room.  Our kitchen is newly remodeled, beautiful & welcoming.  We can seat 8 in either room.  Is it OK to have guests eat in the kitchen?  That's where everyone wants to be a

Dear Polite One, I was told that hosting one’s own housewarming party is not proper.   Is this true?  My house is not huge, but I want to open the doors to all my friends, so I don't leave anyone out.  Are there guidelines to who you invite? For example, do I only invite people I have talked to in the last 30 days before the party ?   Can I send one invitation to the people in my office, this way I hope that they will only buy one gift together, but of course, I can't assume that will happen.  Thanks, Visitor Dear Visitor, No.  That would be silly, wouldn't it?  How could someone else host your housewarming party ?  I suppose the point someone was trying to make is that we don't host a party for ourselves and tell our guests what gift to give us or expect them to provide the party, like guests furnishing the refreshments.  Consequently, we don't list registry information or write on the invitations that we prefer gift cards.  All gifts are optional. 

  Hello Polite One , I am new to your site, and I just love it!   It has helped me in several instances.  However, I haven’t been able to find an answer to this particular question.  I have always been told that baby showers are given to first-time/new moms , and not typically given for the second and third child.  Is this correct?  What if the first child was a boy and the second is a girl?  I would greatly appreciate your response as I have a friend who is having her second child and I am not sure as to what to do.  She has hinted about a “baby shower”.  I’ve responded that I thought that showers were only for first-time moms, but she said no not if the sexes are different.  Please Help! Thanks! Baby Shower Blues Hello Baby Shower Blues, Welcome!  I'm glad I have helped you in the past.  And you are from Folsom?  I am a native Sacramentan.  This is great.  Most of my questions are from a great distance from our section of CA .    There is no rule about the approp

  Hello Polite One,   I have a problem.  A friend of mine recently purchased a home and is hosting a housewarming party next month.  She is registered with her fiancé, so guests may purchase gifts, even though they are getting married next April.  She also asked in the invite that guests BYOB, and bring a side dish, appetizer , or dessert.  I think this is asking far too much, considering her home is 2 hours from where all of us live.  She moved into a very small suburb of our city, and most people will be commuting at least 2 hours to get to her desolate home.  I gently mentioned to the hostess, that it might be too much to ask guests to bring both alcohol and food and she responded quite nastily, informing me she has a new very high mortgage and she does NOT think it asking too much.  What is the proper etiquette here? We are close enough friends I know I can give her my opinion on anything, but I would like to get your professional etiquette opinion!  Thanks so much! I appr

Dear Polite One, Is it okay to have an RSVP on the invitation to a housewarming party? Sometimes I feel like that is not proper, but it’s obviously the best way to figure the amount of food and beverage. Your help would be appreciated. Thank You. Visitor Dear Visitor, It is perfectly fine to include RSVP on any party invitation.  This is a great way to gauge the amount of refreshments required. We have been receiving many questions concerning housewarming parties.  Most I don’t post on my site.  But you may want to read some of those posts. Enjoy your party! The Polite One More by The Polite One What to do About Out-of-Town Guests For Our Housewarming Party? May I Host a Housewarming Party Without Alcohol? Is There a Time Limit For Hosting a Housewarming Party?  

Dear Polite One, What is the proper phraseology to put on a housewarming invitation to indicate that gifts are "not" expected or being solicited? Becky Dear Becky, Great name, by the way. Thank you!!!   I have been having such a difficult time convincing young people that a housewarming party is not a shower .   Typically, it would not be appropriate to mention gifts on this invitation because it would imply that we were expected some.   However, I believe we will have to rethink this rule due to the trend that has been developing.   So, I believe we can borrow, "No gifts please" from birthday party invitations.   Anything along those lines is fine.   Enjoy your new home and party! Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to do About Out-of-Town Guests For Our Housewarming Party? May I Host a Housewarming Party Without Alcohol? Is There a Time Limit For Hosting a Housewarming Party?

  Dear Polite One ,   My family – husband, wife, and small child – will be moving to a different state, hours away by plane. We will not know anyone. So, we’d like to host a party of some sort to meet our neighbors and hopefully become friends with at least some of them. We will not have the money to have a big dinner or BBQ. What do you suggest? Also, we are totally non-drinkers and do not permit it on our property for any reason since an exceptionally large percentage of our relatives on each side are alcoholics. We do not want our son exposed to alcohol any sooner than can be helped. For health reasons, we also do not permit smoking inside our house or around our son. When we invite people over, how do we mention those two subjects without sounding judgmental? Thank you very much. Unsure Dear Unsure , An open house style of housewarming would be a great way to meet your new neighbors.  You could provide simple refreshments that you cook.  This will keep your costs do

  Dear Polite One, I have a situation that I need your advice with.  My sister is planning to host a housewarming "party" for her daughter, husband, and son who just moved into their first real house.  The couple have been married about 3 years and have a 20-mo. old son.  She asked some people from her church (my sister's husband is the pastor) to help with a housewarming for her daughter/son-in-law.  Then today she calls me to ask if I think "the family" would be interested in helping with this.  Personally, I didn't think this was proper for her to be initiating a housewarming party for her own daughter and secondly, I don't see why they should have one just to obtain gifts to help them furnish their new little house.  They had a household/bridal shower when they got married and haven't even unpacked many of their items simply because they haven't actually had their "own" place until now.  I really didn't know what to say