Got Etiquette Advice?

  Dear Polite One, A cleaning service cleans my home once a month.  Since I assume gifts, or at least a tip , are expected by house cleaners for the holidays, what should I give? I'm having difficulty figuring this out since there is always a team of people who are not necessarily the same each time. Holiday stressed Dear Holiday Stressed, Tipping is discretionary and may depend on the region.  However, the going gratuity rate is $25-$100 during the holidays depending on the level of service you receive. Since they only clean once a month, I suggest $25-$50 per person.  The tip could be shared between those who clean your home.  On the other hand, a nice box of candy with a note would be fine also.  That could also be shared.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Brother agreed to no gifts but gave anyway–what to do? Was it wrong to give a gift to her husband? Niece gave to all children except mine–what to do ?

  Dear Polite One, For some reason, my adult niece gave gifts to all the children at our Christmas party except my 12-year-old.  I was stunned.   Since we never discussed a cutoff age for gift-giving, should I ask her if the gift was misplaced.  My daughter needs to write a thank you note if there was a gift.  If she didn't give, should I still give gifts to her child? Thank you. Stunned Dear Stunned, I am so sorry and hope your daughter wasn't too humiliated.  Your niece should have mentioned the missing gift before the party, so you could have discussed it with your daughter.  It wouldn't be appropriate to contact her about the gift because it might appear as if you are requesting one.  However, you might want to talk to her about future gift-giving situations stating that you noticed that she doesn't seem to want to give to older children anymore.  This could give you the information you need, plus it needs to be r...

Dear Polite One, I'm a bit embarrassed and heartbroken.  I gave my mentor and her husband, who is also very active in our group, holiday gifts.  His was a bird book because he had mentioned several times that he wanted to learn more.  Her gift was similar.  They didn't open their gifts in my presence but took them home.  The next day, she returned the gift saying that it wasn't appropriate . What did I do wrong?   Confused Dear Confused, Well, I'm confused as well. I don't get it!  You gave a very considerate gift to her and her husband.  Since you gave to both, she couldn't have been surprised about a gift given specifically to her husband. And a bird book is a safe, neutral, and inoffensive gift.   I just don't understand what you could have done to deserve this treatment. You did nothing wrong.  She acted inappropriately.     Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Bro...

Dear Polite One, My brother and I agreed not to exchange gifts due to financial constraints. Imagine my surprise when, as an early family Christmas gathering, gifts were exchanged including one from my brother and his wife. I was mortified in front of the entire family, as I was empty-handed. What should I do now?  Should I give them a gift?  I feel cheap and embarrassed.   Mortified and embarrassed Dear Mortified and Embarrassed , It sounds as if your sister-in-law loves to give.  It makes her happy. She knew about your deal with her husband/your brother, so she must realize that gifts were not in the mix.   It was her decision to give, so you are not obligated to reciprocate in kind. Homemade cookies or candy , something from the heart, might be appropriate if you wish to give. Other than that, don't worry, smile, and say thank you for her need to give.   Giving is more than simply buying, wrapping, and presenting a store-bought present. Friendship ...

  How do I respond to the rude behavior of one asking for gifts? Dear Polite One,  As an unmarried adult with no children, I don't particularly like giving holiday gifts to all my cousin's children. I do so out of appearance’s sake.  This year I decided to only give to those under the age of 12, which left two children out at the family holiday party.  I did feel odd about it, as all the other adults gave to all the children. The parent, one of my cousins, called to ask if the gifts were misplaced.  I was flabbergasted! How do I respond to this rude behavior ?  Reluctant Giver Dear Reluctant Giver,  Because gift-giving is optional, it is your choice to give or not.  Nevertheless, you have been giving gifts to all the children up until now.  Excluding the older ones without speaking to the family first probably caused hurt feelings.  All of this was probably noticed by all at the party.  It could have humiliated t...

  How do I politely change the date of the party? Hosting a party involves a responsibility to cater to guests with their comfort as most important.  In a nutshell, this means that the host provides the entire event: a convenient time and date, all refreshments, and a pleasant atmosphere.   What follows are answers to two party-planning questions.  Dear Polite One,  A majority of guests I invited to a holiday cocktail party already have plans, so I'd like to change the party date to the following week so everyone could attend.   Is this proper etiquette and if so how do I politely do so?  Host  Dear Host , The holiday season can be hectic, plans change often, so it is appropriate to change the date of your party.  However, it may have to call everyone due to time constraints.   Sincerely,   The Polite One            How to ask guests to pay...