Got Etiquette Advice?

  Abusers tend to use the same playbook: placate their prey, and then make excuses why the prey is worthy of abuse until the prey is worn down.   The cycle continues until the prey finds a way to stop it.   The abuser, typically, doesn’t have a reason or will to stop.   So, how does the abused end this cycle?   It’s never easy.   This is one of those cases.   How to Deal With Abusive Mother Dear Polite One,  Typically, when someone comes to visit, a host would plan enjoyable activities, choose restaurants to visit, tourist activities based on the guest's preferences.  However, this host doesn't want to even be in the same room with the impending guest, let alone host her.   My abusive mother is coming to visit me, even though we haven't spoken in two years, and she continues to abuse my siblings.  I stuck up for my siblings and there was a huge fight.  She acts as if nothing has transpired between us.  I didn't invite...

  Dear Polite One,  My father was very verbally abusive to my siblings, my mother, and me my entire life. I've maintained my sanity by staying away from him.  My mother finally left him and is fine.  We are very close.  My siblings are fine as well but tend to keep everyone at a distance.  None of us are close.   Now for my issue.  My father is dying, has just a few months to live.  He has no family besides his children, who want nothing to do with him.  As the oldest and the one who lives closest to him, I feel obligated to care for him in his last days.  At the same time, I know from what others have told me that he hasn't changed a bit.  He's still as cruel and mean as ever.  What do I do?  How do I deal with this abusive dying father?  Guilt trip Dear Guilt Trip,  A little play on words here: You are not your father's keeper.  You aren't.  He is abusive and hurtful, and this...