When an in-law’s behavior suddenly changes after the birth of their first grandchild, one is left wondering why. Is it jealousy or simply finally displaying what was once hidden? This young mother is experiencing exactly that. What should she do?
Dear Polite One,
My
mother-in-law appears to hate me since the birth of our baby. They love
our daughter and take pictures of her and my husband but ignores me. The
hurt has been building, but I haven’t wanted to say anything. Now my husband
can see it as well, as his mother will tell him to take the baby from me so she
can get a picture. I don’t know what has changed in our relationship, but
she now refers to me as “she” and “her”. She won’t even say my
name.
Even
though my husband sees what is going on, he won’t confront his mother or try to
include me when his mother openly excludes me. I’m beginning to resent
him nearly as much as her at this point. What can I do to recreate a
healthy family relationship?
Sincerely,
Suffering
in Silence
Dear
Suffering in Silence,
In
my humble opinion, your best option is open dialog. However, perhaps this is
something your husband should do since it is his mother who is behaving badly.
And perhaps he doesn't realize that his mother's treatment of you could become
worse and destroy what family relationship is left. Help him
understand how belittled you feel. And, then give him a gentle push to
support you and your family unit.
Besides
that, unfortunately, we often have that one family member who is less than
polite. So, unless your husband can make progress with his mother, you might
have to pretend that it doesn’t bother you. This may be difficult, but since
you cannot change her behavior and must be around her it may be easier to smile
and pretend. It may help her change her behavior or not. But it
will help you deal with her treatment of you for now.
I
call this being like a duck. Ducks allow the water to flow down their
backs. We cannot do this forever, so hopefully, between your kind
treatment and your husband's intervention, she will warm up.
If
she continues even after your husband’s intervention and you’re tired of
playing duck, you may have to speak to her yourself. Do so privately and
calmly. Be prepared for her to play dumb as if she has no idea of what
you are talking about. This is a possibility. So, it’s best to try
the other two methods first.
Sincerely,
The Polite One
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