Got Etiquette Advice?

  How to List Doctors on Invitation Envelope? Dear Polite One , How does one address an envelope for the two following scenarios? 1) The wife is a physician, but the husband is not. 2) Both the wife and husband are physicians, and she used her maiden name. Lots of Doctors Dear Lots of Doctors, The doctor and husband: Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith The doctor couple: Doctor Jane Jones Doctor John Smith Most sincerely, The Polite One What is the Proper Salutation for Doctor Couple? Dear Polite One , How do you write the correct salutation when both the husband and wife are doctors? Doctors All-Around Dear Doctors All-Around, If you are close friends, you would use their first names.  If this is a formal or business letter, you would use the title doctor for both: Doctors Smith, Doctor Sam Smith, and Doctor Tina Smith, or Doctors Tina and Sam Smith.  Most sincerely, The Polite One Don’t Know Husband’s Name and the Wife is ...

  Dear Polite One, We are hosting a party to honor our daughter's kindergarten graduation. She has many family and friends who have participated in her life and would enjoy such a milestone celebration.  Since she doesn't need toys, we want cash gifts for her future. How do we inform guests of our wishes?  We will also have a money tree at the party.  Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, This is very confusing as it is far from a gift -giving event.  It's just not done and may be equally confusing to your guests.  Moreover, requesting cash, in any form, especially for a non-gift-giving event may appear as greedy.  It may appear as if you want others to provide for your daughter's future when it is your responsibility.  Please also note that a money tree is never done anymore.  All of this is just not good manners.  Sincerely The Polite One More by The Polite One How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for...

  Dear Polite One, I’m hosting my retiring husband a dinner and dance.  Guest are required to pay for their meal, but I will pay for all gratuities, which comes to a pretty penny.  How do I convey this on the invitation, plus that gifts are welcome, and the event is formal?  I expect guests to dress in black tie.  How do I inform guests? Wife of retiree Dear Wife of Retiree, There is a very simple rule: you invite, you pay.  Guests should never be expected to pay for the party.  If he wants a party , he needs to pay for it.  So, if this party is too expensive, it should be revised or scaled-down.  Requesting gifts is another social faux pas.  It's just not good manners.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Who hosts a housewarming party, when and how? What is an appropriate housewarming gift? Are favors appropriate for a religious event?

  Dear Polite One, I would like to send flowers to my pastor, who recently had surgery ,  and his wife.  I am not sure how I should have the card addressed.  At church, we call him Pastor or Pastor Smith. We call his wife Jane. Should I put Jane and John Smith, John and Jane Smith, or Pastor and Mrs. John Smith, or is there another option?   Thank you, Visitor from Georgia Dear Visitor from Georgia, It's a very nice gesture for you to send flowers. And the traditional way to address the card would be: Pastor and Mrs. John Smith.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  Dear Polite One, Should I use "Mrs." or "Ms." when sending correspondence to a divorced woman? Wondering from Kansas Dear Wondering from Kansas, Both Mrs. and Ms. are proper when addressing a letter to a divorced woman. If you choose to use Mrs., you will use her first name and last name: Mrs. Jane Brown. However, Ms. is the most common title for women these days, because marital status does not define any of us. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? How to reschedule a retirement party? Mother-in-law added names to the guest list!

  Dear Polite One, I'm proud of my doctor husband and want my family and friends to list him as Doctor on envelopes.  My family members find this odd and won't follow my wishes. They always address him as Mr.  This upsets me greatly and I feel it is an insult.  They feel that it is a bit brash to expect my husband to be addressed as "Doctor" by family.  Our friends don't have an issue with this though. Proud Wife Dear Proud Wife, I understand your feelings as one must work extremely hard for many years to become a doctor.  I'm sure you and your husband struggled the same.  However, it is not typical for a family to use " Doctor " when addressing envelopes.  It is considered too formal.   Your family should introduce your husband as Doctor Name to others though.  This is most polite. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address an envelope if the wife is a doctor? Which name is listed first on a...

  Dear Polite One, With so many females keeping their maiden names after marrying, how I address correspondences to them?   Confused Dear Confused, Many times, women keep their maiden names to retain career identity.  This is her name no matter what her marital status is.  So, if the correspondence is primarily to her, list it like the following. Ms. Jane Brown Mr. John Smith If listed on the same line, add an "and."  Ms. Jane Brown and Mr. John Smith If you don't know her husband's name, you could use this example. Ms. Jane Brown and family. If the correspondence is primarily to her husband , list his name first. Mr. John Smith Ms. Jane Brown However, if this is a social correspondence and one is a doctor or holds a title (officer or similar), this person would be listed first. General John Smith and Ms/Mrs. Jane Brown. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-...

  Dear Polite One, My husband and I disagree on the proper way to address envelopes to couples . I say to list the woman's name first, followed by the man.  And if there are children, they are listed in order of age (oldest to youngest).   My husband thinks the man’s name is listed first.  Who is correct?  I have a dinner out hanging on your answer.  Regards, Addressing envelopes Dear Addressing Envelopes, I hope you have your dinner selection picked out.  A strange old rule not taught anymore, but still followed, state that the man's first name is never separated from his last (Jane and James Smith).   This isn't set in stone, and some find it very silly and stifling.  It really is an individual choice on personal correspondence.  I would still follow the old rule for correspondence when addressing older people or more formal situations, like weddings. However, when you are including children, there is still only one rule. Children...

Hi Polite One, I am confused about when to address a Ph.D. as Dr. or Doctor Name.  Does it make a difference where the person works or what type of doctorate the person has? Needs a Doctor Dear Needs a Doctor, The main rule is that we would want to address the person as he or she wishes to be addressed.  In many cases, it is best to play it safe and address an envelope to Dr. Name.    Nevertheless, those in academia/research and medical field are addressed as Doctor/Dr for social and business situations.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Importance of Thank You Notes Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law How to address an envelope if the wife is a doctor?  

Dear Polite One, I am a doctor and need to send out invitations.  Is the form correct for my return address: Sam and Dr. Jane Brown?  Doc Brown Dear Doc Brown, Although this form is not too off, this is the best form: Dr. Jan and Mr. Sam Brown.  You are mentioned first because of your status .  Plus, there is a silly old rule about not separating a man from his last name.  Hence the “Mr. Sam Brown.” The Polite One More by The Polite One How to List Names in the Class Reunion Directory Importance of Thank You Notes Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law

As you can imagine, over the decades, I have received thousands of questions.  Many of those concerned  who to give,  when to send,  and how to write thank-you notes/letters.  What follows is a handy-dandy thank-you note reminder.   Remember to write your thank you notes! When to Send Thank You Notes Mandatory Thank You Notes A  wedding  present Flowers and generous deeds after the death of a loved one Staying in someone's home For gifts not opened in the giver's presence Nice Gesture Special favors For an invitation to a party For an invitation to a special dinner invitation Similar Posts How to Deal With Sticky Family Issues Importance of Thank You Notes Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law  

  How to list classmates’ in the directory when their names have changed? Dear Polite One,  In preparing our 20th Class Reunion Directory, I have stumbled across some invitation-addressing issues. What suggestions would you have for noting classmates who have boyfriends/girlfriends that they reside with & mutual and/or children from a previous relationship?  I didn't realize how tricky this can be.  Reuniting Dear Reuniting,   If you choose to include information about significant others and children, you could state it as such: Jane Brown is now Jane Green. She and her significant other, John Gutierrez (or leave the name blank), are presently living in New Jersey with her child Alice Black.   Mentioning marital status or a child's father is not necessary unless pertinent.  If two of the members were married for 20 years and are very proud of that, this would be something to share.  If it is newsworthy because two are me...

Proper Correspondence of Our Times The world of proper correspondence has changed since the days of leaving  calling cards  at neighbor's doors.  With our cellphones and computers, we can stay in touch with those even thousands of miles away.  Evites and a text reply are commonplace.  Nevertheless, some things resist change.  Certain thank-you notes and all condolence letters are best handwritten and mailed by post. What follows are answers to questions covering proper etiquette in today's world of correspondence. Q:  A new friend's mother just died in an accident.  I would like to send a  sympathy letter , but I am not quite sure what to write. I had just met him hours before he received the phone call about his mom's accident.  Since I do not know him well enough to know anything about him personally, I'm unsure where to begin.  I also want to make sure not to write anything inappropriate....