Got Etiquette Advice?

  Dear Polite One, A cleaning service cleans my home once a month.  Since I assume gifts, or at least a tip , are expected by house cleaners for the holidays, what should I give? I'm having difficulty figuring this out since there is always a team of people who are not necessarily the same each time. Holiday stressed Dear Holiday Stressed, Tipping is discretionary and may depend on the region.  However, the going gratuity rate is $25-$100 during the holidays depending on the level of service you receive. Since they only clean once a month, I suggest $25-$50 per person.  The tip could be shared between those who clean your home.  On the other hand, a nice box of candy with a note would be fine also.  That could also be shared.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Brother agreed to no gifts but gave anyway–what to do? Was it wrong to give a gift to her husband? Niece gave to all children except mine–what to do ?

  Dear Polite One, For some reason, my adult niece gave gifts to all the children at our Christmas party except my 12-year-old.  I was stunned.   Since we never discussed a cutoff age for gift-giving, should I ask her if the gift was misplaced.  My daughter needs to write a thank you note if there was a gift.  If she didn't give, should I still give gifts to her child? Thank you. Stunned Dear Stunned, I am so sorry and hope your daughter wasn't too humiliated.  Your niece should have mentioned the missing gift before the party, so you could have discussed it with your daughter.  It wouldn't be appropriate to contact her about the gift because it might appear as if you are requesting one.  However, you might want to talk to her about future gift-giving situations stating that you noticed that she doesn't seem to want to give to older children anymore.  This could give you the information you need, plus it needs to be resolved before the next family ev

Dear Polite One, I'm a bit embarrassed and heartbroken.  I gave my mentor and her husband, who is also very active in our group, holiday gifts.  His was a bird book because he had mentioned several times that he wanted to learn more.  Her gift was similar.  They didn't open their gifts in my presence but took them home.  The next day, she returned the gift saying that it wasn't appropriate . What did I do wrong?   Confused Dear Confused, Well, I'm confused as well. I don't get it!  You gave a very considerate gift to her and her husband.  Since you gave to both, she couldn't have been surprised about a gift given specifically to her husband. And a bird book is a safe, neutral, and inoffensive gift.   I just don't understand what you could have done to deserve this treatment. You did nothing wrong.  She acted inappropriately.     Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Brother agreed to no gifts but gave anyway.  What to do?

Dear Polite One, My brother and I agreed not to exchange gifts due to financial constraints. Imagine my surprise when, as an early family Christmas gathering, gifts were exchanged including one from my brother and his wife. I was mortified in front of the entire family, as I was empty-handed. What should I do now?  Should I give them a gift?  I feel cheap and embarrassed.   Mortified and embarrassed Dear Mortified and Embarrassed , It sounds as if your sister-in-law loves to give.  It makes her happy. She knew about your deal with her husband/your brother, so she must realize that gifts were not in the mix.   It was her decision to give, so you are not obligated to reciprocate in kind. Homemade cookies or candy , something from the heart, might be appropriate if you wish to give. Other than that, don't worry, smile, and say thank you for her need to give.   Giving is more than simply buying, wrapping, and presenting a store-bought present. Friendship and a smile are priceless

  Dear Polite One, Isn't it customary to send a gift if you receive a graduation announcement? What about if we receive an invitation to a graduation party?  Do we send a gift if unable to attend the graduation party? Haven't a Clue Dear Haven't a Clue , You are not obligated to send gifts for the announcement or invitation. If you are very close to the graduate and wish to give, you may. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Is a military going away party a gift-giving event? How to inform guests to only give gift cards for my housewarming? What is a good college graduation gift for an adult?    

  Dear Polite One, We are invited to an adult's (over 40) college graduation party. They stated that gifts are not expected. But we feel as if we should give cash or a gift card. What is appropriate?    Wondering Dear Wondering , Since this isn't a gift-giving situation, you aren't obligated.   The invitation states "no gifts" so this is exactly what is expected. However, if you wish to give, you could give a gift certificate to a restaurant, bookstore, or something similar. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Single person gives the same as married couples? Is a military going away party a gift-giving event? How to inform guests to only give gift cards for my housewarming?

  Dear Polite One, I just bought my very first home and I cannot wait to make it into my little haven. I will soon host a housewarming party. How do I politely tell guests not to give me gifts? I doubt that they can match my decor and I don't want to store the gift to display it when they come over.  I'd rather just have gift cards. How can I word this on an invitation? Sincerely,                                                               Gift cards only Dear Gift Cards Only , First things first, it's not nice or polite to refuse a gift .  However, you certainly can get the word out that you'd prefer no gifts or write it on the invitation. You could tell guests this as well.  It is impolite to state, verbally or written, that you want gift cards.  It's like saying that you want cash because you've just bought a house.   Gifts for housewarming parties are supposed to be small, inexpensive gifts, like kitchen towels, candles, and coffee table

  Dear Polite One, Is a military going away party a gift-giving occasion? Pondering Dear Pondering, No, it is not a gift -giving situation. This isn't to say that you couldn't give something useful.  But you'd have to ask what he/she is allowed to take.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Acknowledge the birth of brother’s child with a card? Single person gives the same as married couples? How can I give a gift when I have no money?  

  Dear Polite One, Should single people give gifts equivalent to the gifts married couples give? As a single person, I don't have as much money as those who have two wage earners in the family. My sister and her husband make twice as much as I do and give me one gift per event.  I give two – one for each of them – plus gifts for their children .  It doesn't seem fair and I'm running out of money.   Gift Poor Single Girl Dear Gift Poor Single Girl, All gift-giving should be viewed as optional, so there are no rules about who gives what and the value of each gift.  None of this matters.  The focus should be on recognizing those we love.  This could be any gesture and doesn't have to include money.  As a single girl , you are the same as any of us.  Spend the amount you wish to spend.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Acknowledge the birth of brother’s child with a card? How to request funds for college account? How to request no

  Dear Polite One, My brother's fiancée’s sister just gave birth.  I'm wondering if I should acknowledge the birth with flowers or a card.  My brother filmed the birth. Thank you, Jennifer Dear Jennifer, It is entirely your choice.  The very least would be to send a card.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Do we include favors for an adult birthday party? How to request funds for college account? How to request no gifts for child’s birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, My young son would like to invite his friends to his birthday party.  However, many do not have much money.  Even at my son's young age of six years, he requests guests do not bring gifts.  I applaud his values and wish to honor his request.  How do I do this politely? Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, I'd be proud as well.  Many children want gifts more than just about anything. We are in luck here, since it is now considered perfectly polite to write "no gifts please" on birthday, anniversary, and graduation invitations. Thank you for teaching your child manners. Warm regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One       How to request funds for college account? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, How can I request guests contribute to my birthday girl's college fund? We'd much rather build up the college fund than have more toys around the house. Dear Funds for the Future, I’m sorry, but this is not polite .  Even though gifts are somewhat expected for the birthday of a child, it is impolite to expect gifts and/or to suggest what those gifts should be. However, you could use "word of mouth" to relay your preference to guests.  But be prepared for some to view this as impolite.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, My best friend invited me to her Sweet 16 breakfast and asked me what I was going to get her for her birthday .   I am 16 and have no job, so how can I give her a gift that she will like without coming empty-handed. Thanks, Jobless Teen Dear Jobless in Teen, Jeez, that wasn't very nice , invite someone to your party and then ask, "What are you getting me?" I'm not sure what you could give her that she won't look down upon. Some people just expect a lot. But candy is usually a good choice.  I can usually make my little girl (40 years old) happy with a $10 box of truffles.   Perhaps your parents or guardians could help you with the costs in exchange for some of your hard labor.  There are a few things we all dislike doing like, cleaning the refrigerator, washing, and waxing the car, and cleaning out the garage. Hopefully, you can work a deal.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Is it proper to send gra

  Dear Polite One, Are favors or gift bags expected for an adult birthday party?   We are hosting a birthday party for my sister-in-law at a restaurant. What is the proper birthday party etiquette? Dear Visitor, Favors and gift bags are optional, but seldom used for an adult birthday party. Paying restaurant costs for guests is not optional, however.  Please make sure you can afford all costs before inviting guests. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Are favors appropriate for a religious event? How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for meals? Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party?      

  Dear Polite One, Huge problem and even bigger accomplishment.  I'm so proud that my three daughters are graduating from three different colleges this year.  Of course, I want to host parties for all three, however I'm concerned about friends and family feeling obligated to give three gifts all at once. How do I host one party for all three graduates? Overwhelmed but Proud Dear Overwhelmed but Proud, Congratulations on the accomplishments of your three daughters . Unfortunately, I can't give you a clear answer, as there is no clear protocol for this issue.  So, we are stuck with my opinion. Even though gift giving is optional for graduates, most usually want to reward the graduate. Therefore, hosting the one big party for all three might not give each their just reward.   Although all are graduating at the same time, the three parties could be held any time for each of your daughters.  The expense for guests would be spread out better as well. Sincerel

  Dear Polite One, We are planning a large high school graduation party for my daughter at our home. I would like to send announcements to those who I know can't attend, as I'm very proud that she graduated and is off to college.  However, I also feel that sending announcements might appear as a tacky way of asking for cash.  Would it be best to send announcements , mentioning the party, but stating that gifts are not expected?  Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, A graduation from high school should be celebrated, as it is a life event. Sending announcements is appropriate and polite, but don't mention gifts .  It would appear as gifts are expected.  If you want these people to attend the party, however, send an invitation not an announcement. And on these, it is perfectly fine these days to mention no gifts.   Congratulations! The Polite One More by The Polite One Is a graduation party for 8th graders gift-giving event?   How to plan graduation party for a

  Dear Polite One, My son is graduating from 8th grade and is invited to multiple graduation parties for which I have been told that I am expected to give a gift to each kid.   I can't afford gifts for all! And I know this really isn't a gift-giving event.  But I'm assuming the parents don't know or don't care.  I feel like they are milking this trend to bulk up their bank account.  Exhausted Dear Exhausted, Craziness!   A graduation party for eighth-graders is far from a gift -giving event. Even if this were a graduation party for completion of high school, your son is not gift obliged, as he would also be a graduate. A card is the gift if he is attending any party. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How-to plan a welcome home/graduation combo party ? How to plan graduation party for a kindergartner and announce a money tree? Do we give gifts for all graduation parties?

     Dear Polite One, My son and I are invited to multiple high school graduation parties this season.  We simply can't afford a gift for all graduates.  What is the etiquette as far as gift giving if not attending and/or we haven't seen the children in years?  Do I just write checks for all? Gift Poor Dear Gift Poor , You are in luck.  Only those very close to the graduate give gifts and they shouldn’t be expected.  Many do not know this though.  Whether you attend or not, a card is the best gift.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party? How-to plan a welcome home/graduation combo party ? How to plan graduation party for a kindergartner and announce a money tree?

  Dear Polite One, We are hosting a party to honor our daughter's kindergarten graduation. She has many family and friends who have participated in her life and would enjoy such a milestone celebration.  Since she doesn't need toys, we want cash gifts for her future. How do we inform guests of our wishes?  We will also have a money tree at the party.  Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, This is very confusing as it is far from a gift -giving event.  It's just not done and may be equally confusing to your guests.  Moreover, requesting cash, in any form, especially for a non-gift-giving event may appear as greedy.  It may appear as if you want others to provide for your daughter's future when it is your responsibility.  Please also note that a money tree is never done anymore.  All of this is just not good manners.  Sincerely The Polite One More by The Polite One How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for meals? Is a money tree appropr

  Dear Polite One, My oldest son returns from deployment at the same time my youngest daughter graduates from high school.  Since both events are reasons to celebrate, should I plan for one party to celebrate both events?  I want to have many of the same people attend, but don't want to overwhelm them with two different dates.  The welcome home part of the party could come first so the military families could leave afterward.   I'm just a little concerned about the gift issue.  I don't want the military families to feel like they should bring one for my daughter.  Should I write this on the invitation? Confused Mom Dear Confused Mom, It might be better to split the parties into separate events, as it isn't as special for your two children. Although, you know more about what is right for your family.  If you do host this as one party, de-emphasizing gift-giving is best. The graduation party is not necessarily a gift-giving event, even though many clos