Got Etiquette Advice?

Dear Polite One, My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for 25 years.  In the past, he gave me a gift on Valentine’s Day and for our anniversary but never for Christmas or my birthday.  Now he doesn’t give me anything, not even a card.  How do I respond to that? Tracy Dear Tracy, In my opinion and experience, most men are much more direct than women.  Women tend to "infer" their preferences, while men directly state them.  It may be best for you to speak directly to your husband about your feelings.  Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable purchasing gifts .  Perhaps his feelings have changed.  You won't know unless you discuss this with him.  But prepare to hear something you may not want to hear.  I hope it is not hurtful.  Having said this, I am not a therapist or a relationship expert, although I have some experience due to my job.  I can only offer my opinion.  So, take my advi...

Dear Polite One, We are going to visit my brother-in-law and his wife.  While visiting them, his boss is throwing a birthday party for his twin daughter's one-year-old birthday.  Although we do not know the family, my brother-in-law has requested we attend the party with them.  He has his boss’s permission.  Our question is, should we bring a gift for the girls that we do not know, or is just a gift from my brother-in-law correct? Stephanie Dear Stephanie, You are not expected to give a gift to the children .  However, you have been included and should give a hostess gift, such as flowers. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Hostess Gift, Buffets, and Dietary Dilemmas Two Tips for New Relationships How did the American method begin?

  Dear Polite One, My young son would like to invite his friends to his birthday party.  However, many do not have much money.  Even at my son's young age of six years, he requests guests do not bring gifts.  I applaud his values and wish to honor his request.  How do I do this politely? Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, I'd be proud as well.  Many children want gifts more than just about anything. We are in luck here, since it is now considered perfectly polite to write "no gifts please" on birthday, anniversary, and graduation invitations. Thank you for teaching your child manners. Warm regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One       How to request funds for college account? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, How can I request guests contribute to my birthday girl's college fund? We'd much rather build up the college fund than have more toys around the house. Dear Funds for the Future, I’m sorry, but this is not polite .  Even though gifts are somewhat expected for the birthday of a child, it is impolite to expect gifts and/or to suggest what those gifts should be. However, you could use "word of mouth" to relay your preference to guests.  But be prepared for some to view this as impolite.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, My best friend invited me to her Sweet 16 breakfast and asked me what I was going to get her for her birthday .   I am 16 and have no job, so how can I give her a gift that she will like without coming empty-handed. Thanks, Jobless Teen Dear Jobless in Teen, Jeez, that wasn't very nice , invite someone to your party and then ask, "What are you getting me?" I'm not sure what you could give her that she won't look down upon. Some people just expect a lot. But candy is usually a good choice.  I can usually make my little girl (40 years old) happy with a $10 box of truffles.   Perhaps your parents or guardians could help you with the costs in exchange for some of your hard labor.  There are a few things we all dislike doing like, cleaning the refrigerator, washing, and waxing the car, and cleaning out the garage. Hopefully, you can work a deal.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     ...

  Dear Polite One, Are favors or gift bags expected for an adult birthday party?   We are hosting a birthday party for my sister-in-law at a restaurant. What is the proper birthday party etiquette? Dear Visitor, Favors and gift bags are optional, but seldom used for an adult birthday party. Paying restaurant costs for guests is not optional, however.  Please make sure you can afford all costs before inviting guests. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Are favors appropriate for a religious event? How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for meals? Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party?      

  Dear Polite One , My sister and I have an ongoing battle regarding gift opening. I think it is good manners when I give my nieces’ a gift for their birthday (or any occasion) they should open it in front of me and convey their thanks.   My sister believes the opposite and says that the gift etiquette is to open the present later.  This usually results in me having to ask later if they liked their gift.  Sometimes, they might ring up and say "thanks for the present" but then I feel no real enjoyment in the giving. I would appreciate some clarity on this subject, please. Thanks Sydney, Australia Dear Visitor from Sydney, Australia, There is no clear answer for this.  If the gift is given in private, with just you, the recipient, and perhaps her family, then she should open it.  If there are others visiting, then she should wait for a private time.  The reason for this is that we wouldn’t want to make others feel as if they should h...

  Dear Polite One, I don't want children attending my husband's 60th birthday ; may I state this on the invitation?  I also want to request monetary gifts.  How do I include this information?  Wants cash; no kids Dear Wants Cash; No Kids, Please don't list "no children " on the invitation, as it would appear too harsh.  The time of the party and venue should be enough for parents to know better.  You could also get the word out through the grapevine.  Perhaps you could include an RSVP with your phone number necessitating guests to call you.  Then, share your wishes.  An adult birthday party is not a gift-giving event.  Even if it were, requesting cash is never polite.  If guests ask what he wants, you could mention the cash option.  Expect guests to cringe though.  It is incredibly impolite.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Mother-in-law added names to the guest list! Do I nee...

Guests Contribute to College Fund Dear Polite One , My son turns five next month and I want to inform all guests to contribute to his college fund.  He has enough toys and I must consider his future.  How do I list this on the invitation?  Will an evite work? Wants Donations Dear Wants Donations, I’m sorry but this would be most impolite .  Hosts never request cash or any type of monetary contribution for a child’s birthday.  If your child is lucky enough to have all his needs met, you could inform guests not to give gifts.  This would be best. Good luck! Sincerely, The Polite One Host Wants Guests to Host Dear Polite One, What should I do?  My daughter’s best friend is having a birthday party.  Her mother has requested all parents attend to help monitor the children while they play at a local miniature golf course.  Plus, we are all expected to pay our cost and that of our child. Help! Dear Help! Yikes!  This i...

Do I or do I not gift a gift?  That is the question.  In our gift-crazy society, attending social events can be quite confusing.  Some are traditionally gift-giving events , while others are not.  Fold in the ever-changing etiquette...well, that’s enough to drive a person to scream out loud, “What do I do now!?”  I hope the next two situations alleviate some of your gift anxieties.   How to State No Gifts on Invitation? Dear Polite One,  We are planning a surprise 70th birthday party for my grandmother and we are wondering how to say that gifts are not necessary on the invitations. I know that it is not proper to state “no gifts please” on the invitation, but we are just looking for a tactful way to state this so her friends and other distant family members do not feel obligated to bring a gift. If you have any other great ideas please share them with us. No Gifts Dear No Gifts, Actually because so many are expecting gifts for all event...

  How do I deal with ungrateful children? Dear Polite One,  May I discontinue giving gifts to those family members who never thank me?  I give to the children of my family every year and receive nothing except my credit card bill in return. How do I deal with ungrateful children? Unthanked in Dallas Dear Unthanked in Dallas,   Gift giving is always optional.  So, yes you may discontinue giving gifts.  You might be able to use this as a teachable moment though.  Next time (if there is one) if they haven't sent a thank you note, ask the child or parent if the gift was appropriate. Perhaps that will jog the parent's mind that thank you notes are necessary.  Sincerely,   The Polite One She Never Uses My Gift! Dear Polite One, When my sister had her baby girl, I knitted a blanket for her.  I was careful to use the colors of the nursery and tried to stay within my sister's style.  She did send me ...

Gift Giving Advice A child’s birthday party is still considered a gift-giving event by most here in the U.S.  So, when hosting a party for your little one, please consider that your guests have spent time and money purchasing what they thought your child would want: the perfect gift.  Your gift to them in return is to share your child’s joy of revealing his/her joy of seeing it for the first time.  Dear Polite One, My five-year-old was invited to a birthday party where the gifts were not opened after the cake was served. In fact, after the cake was eaten, we were pretty much expected to leave.  Is this behavior acceptable birthday party etiquette ? Thank you, Just wondering Dear Just Wondering, It's unfortunate that this parent didn't know what is considered appropriate, as this was not proper or polite, but insulting to guests. We expect children to open their gifts during a birthday party. Sincerely, The Polite One Similar Posts Do...