Got Etiquette Advice?

  Etiquette is basically the protocol we use in any given situation.   It is the behavior expected of us.   Still, not everyone is comfortable with their knowledge of what is considered proper or appropriate.   On an average day, I will receive questions about all aspects of etiquette. Here are a few questions from some of our readers.   One thing you may notice in my responses is that the etiquette I suggest makes sense.   It is logical.   Shirtless Party? Hi Polite One , Is it improper to go shirtless on a hot summer day at a backyard barbeque with friends and close family members? Shirtless Dear Shirtless, If this is a pool party, it would be fine as many would be shirtless and in swimsuits.   However, if it is simply a dinner party or gathering, it is best to remain clothed.   Ask yourself if it would be an appropriate time for the ladies to be wearing swimsuits or go shirtless.   If the answer is no, then the men s...

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a brief hour at a neighbor's house to discuss "town" issues and meet for the first time.  The neighbors are inviting a few couples and have offered cocktails .  Is it appropriate for us to bring a bottle of wine since it will be the first time to our neighbor's home?  My husband thinks it is overkill given that we're only going over for an hour and probably one drink. Please advise. Thanks, Gail  Dear Gail, This is optional.  But it is a very nice gesture and something I would do.  This neighbor has offered his home and refreshments.  So, it is polite to offer something.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Dinner Party Etiquette in Four Situations When guests bring food, should they take the leftovers home? How do I politely decline offers of help?

  Hello Polite One, My partner and I disagree about the proper etiquette when guests bring food to a dinner party . She insists on sending whatever is leftover back home with them (especially dessert). She does it mostly because she doesn't want it in the house.  But the guests often look offended, as if we didn't enjoy the food . I say we should keep it, offer it to them perhaps, but not insist. Any thoughts? Thank you. Lynn in Trinidad, California Dear Lynn in Trinidad, California, Great question.  When a guest gives you something, even food, it is a gift .  If you return it to them, it is as if you are saying that you didn't want it. I guess you win this disagreement. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Dinner Party Etiquette in Four Situations When guests bring food, should they take the leftovers home? How do I politely decline offers of help? 

  Dear Polite One, My question deals with offering alcoholic beverages at parties . Is it rude for the host who does not drink himself, to not offer drinks to those who do?  I would love to know the answer because I am planning a dinner party and am unsure. Sober Dear Sober, It isn’t entirely rude, but it is slightly inconsiderate.  As hosts, we should always consider our guest’s preferences.  And people who do drink like to do so during a party.  It is just a common component found at parties.  This isn’t to say that it cannot be done.  You could verbally inform your guests that you do not drink and therefore won’t be serving any alcohol .  They can then choose to attend or not.  You could serve drinks that seem like alcoholic drinks minus the alcohol.  There are many recipes online for ‘virgin’ drinks. Another option is to host your “gathering” in the early afternoon when most don’t drink alcohol.  Perhaps it could b...

Dear Polite One, We are going to visit my brother-in-law and his wife.  While visiting them, his boss is throwing a birthday party for his twin daughter's one-year-old birthday.  Although we do not know the family, my brother-in-law has requested we attend the party with them.  He has his boss’s permission.  Our question is, should we bring a gift for the girls that we do not know, or is just a gift from my brother-in-law correct? Stephanie Dear Stephanie, You are not expected to give a gift to the children .  However, you have been included and should give a hostess gift, such as flowers. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Hostess Gift, Buffets, and Dietary Dilemmas Two Tips for New Relationships How did the American method begin?

  Dear Polite One, Isn't it customary to send a gift if you receive a graduation announcement? What about if we receive an invitation to a graduation party?  Do we send a gift if unable to attend the graduation party? Haven't a Clue Dear Haven't a Clue , You are not obligated to send gifts for the announcement or invitation. If you are very close to the graduate and wish to give, you may. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Is a military going away party a gift-giving event? How to inform guests to only give gift cards for my housewarming? What is a good college graduation gift for an adult?    

  Dear Polite One, We are invited to an adult's (over 40) college graduation party. They stated that gifts are not expected. But we feel as if we should give cash or a gift card. What is appropriate?    Wondering Dear Wondering , Since this isn't a gift-giving situation, you aren't obligated.   The invitation states "no gifts" so this is exactly what is expected. However, if you wish to give, you could give a gift certificate to a restaurant, bookstore, or something similar. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Single person gives the same as married couples? Is a military going away party a gift-giving event? How to inform guests to only give gift cards for my housewarming?

  Dear Polite One, I just bought my very first home and I cannot wait to make it into my little haven. I will soon host a housewarming party. How do I politely tell guests not to give me gifts? I doubt that they can match my decor and I don't want to store the gift to display it when they come over.  I'd rather just have gift cards. How can I word this on an invitation? Sincerely,                                                               Gift cards only Dear Gift Cards Only , First things first, it's not nice or polite to refuse a gift .  However, you certainly can get the word out that you'd prefer no gifts or write it on the invitation. You could tell ...

  Dear Polite One, Is a military going away party a gift-giving occasion? Pondering Dear Pondering, No, it is not a gift -giving situation. This isn't to say that you couldn't give something useful.  But you'd have to ask what he/she is allowed to take.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Acknowledge the birth of brother’s child with a card? Single person gives the same as married couples? How can I give a gift when I have no money?  

  Dear Polite One, My young son would like to invite his friends to his birthday party.  However, many do not have much money.  Even at my son's young age of six years, he requests guests do not bring gifts.  I applaud his values and wish to honor his request.  How do I do this politely? Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, I'd be proud as well.  Many children want gifts more than just about anything. We are in luck here, since it is now considered perfectly polite to write "no gifts please" on birthday, anniversary, and graduation invitations. Thank you for teaching your child manners. Warm regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One       How to request funds for college account? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, How can I request guests contribute to my birthday girl's college fund? We'd much rather build up the college fund than have more toys around the house. Dear Funds for the Future, I’m sorry, but this is not polite .  Even though gifts are somewhat expected for the birthday of a child, it is impolite to expect gifts and/or to suggest what those gifts should be. However, you could use "word of mouth" to relay your preference to guests.  But be prepared for some to view this as impolite.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, Huge problem and even bigger accomplishment.  I'm so proud that my three daughters are graduating from three different colleges this year.  Of course, I want to host parties for all three, however I'm concerned about friends and family feeling obligated to give three gifts all at once. How do I host one party for all three graduates? Overwhelmed but Proud Dear Overwhelmed but Proud, Congratulations on the accomplishments of your three daughters . Unfortunately, I can't give you a clear answer, as there is no clear protocol for this issue.  So, we are stuck with my opinion. Even though gift giving is optional for graduates, most usually want to reward the graduate. Therefore, hosting the one big party for all three might not give each their just reward.   Although all are graduating at the same time, the three parties could be held any time for each of your daughters.  The expense for guests would be spread out better as...

  Dear Polite One, My oldest son returns from deployment at the same time my youngest daughter graduates from high school.  Since both events are reasons to celebrate, should I plan for one party to celebrate both events?  I want to have many of the same people attend, but don't want to overwhelm them with two different dates.  The welcome home part of the party could come first so the military families could leave afterward.   I'm just a little concerned about the gift issue.  I don't want the military families to feel like they should bring one for my daughter.  Should I write this on the invitation? Confused Mom Dear Confused Mom, It might be better to split the parties into separate events, as it isn't as special for your two children. Although, you know more about what is right for your family.  If you do host this as one party, de-emphasizing gift-giving is best. The graduation party is not necessarily a gift-giving ...

  Dear Polite One, I am planning my father's retirement party .  Is it proper manners to include a money tree so my father might receive a nice vacation?   Cash for Dad Dear Cash for Dad, Sorry, but this is not considered a gift-giving event.  Some may give a small gift , but it is never appropriate to expect or request one.  Plus, money trees (yikes!) are viewed very negatively.      Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for meals? How can I include my registries on my housewarming party invitation? Who hosts a housewarming party, when and how?

  Hi Polite One, I have been invited to a party where the dress code has been cited as "Formal, semi-Formal or Traditional Scottish".  The host announced to all the women that a black cocktail dress would be suitable.   There will be a large group of us attending and I would like to dress a little different than the others.  Do you think a sequenced spaghetti - strapped top and black pants would be considered formal enough?  I would pair it with appropriate jewelry and strappy sandals. Thanks for any information that you can provide.  Great site, highly informative. PS.  I am writing from Alberta, Canada. Dear Visitor from Alberta, Canada, Yes!  You will be the belle of the ball.  I love sequined tops with nice black slacks.  It is such a great look.  It sounds like an interesting party .  Enjoy! Please visit again soon and thank you for the compliment. Also, thank you for letting me know where you are from. ...

  Dear Polite One, I am planning a party and I want guests to dress in nice clothing that isn't too formal or too casual.  Is there a dress code that is in between semi-formal and formal attire? Party planning Dear Party Planning, Basically, the dress code you want is semi-formal, but cocktail attire would probably be best. These two are basically the same term.   Men would be in sports coats, ties, or suits.  Ladies dress in cocktail dresses made from finer cloth-like crepe, satin, or velvet, or outfits in the equivalent formality.  Sincerely, The Polite One More From The Polite One What is the Etiquette for A Ballet Production in the Sydney Opera House? Attire? What to Wear In Freezing Winter for a Minnesota Opera? What to wear for the company holiday party?

  Dear Polite One, My wife and I are invited to a party where we are expected to give one gift per invitee.  Does this mean that both my wife and I bring a gift? Gifting Dear Gifting, Usually asking for gifts is a no-no, but many times hosts organize games involving the gifts during the holidays.  I hope this is the case here.  But still, this isn't the most socially savvy thing to do.   Basically, if you want to participate in the activities, you will bring a gift.  If the invitation requests one gift per invitee, that would be one gift per person attending. That is two gifts per couple. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One She is hosting her party and asking for gifts! How to ask anniversary party guests to pay for their meals? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation?