Got Etiquette Advice?

  Dear Polite One, For some reason, my adult niece gave gifts to all the children at our Christmas party except my 12-year-old.  I was stunned.   Since we never discussed a cutoff age for gift-giving, should I ask her if the gift was misplaced.  My daughter needs to write a thank you note if there was a gift.  If she didn't give, should I still give gifts to her child? Thank you. Stunned Dear Stunned, I am so sorry and hope your daughter wasn't too humiliated.  Your niece should have mentioned the missing gift before the party, so you could have discussed it with your daughter.  It wouldn't be appropriate to contact her about the gift because it might appear as if you are requesting one.  However, you might want to talk to her about future gift-giving situations stating that you noticed that she doesn't seem to want to give to older children anymore.  This could give you the information you need, plus it needs to be r...

  Dear Polite One, We are hosting a party to honor our daughter's kindergarten graduation. She has many family and friends who have participated in her life and would enjoy such a milestone celebration.  Since she doesn't need toys, we want cash gifts for her future. How do we inform guests of our wishes?  We will also have a money tree at the party.  Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, This is very confusing as it is far from a gift -giving event.  It's just not done and may be equally confusing to your guests.  Moreover, requesting cash, in any form, especially for a non-gift-giving event may appear as greedy.  It may appear as if you want others to provide for your daughter's future when it is your responsibility.  Please also note that a money tree is never done anymore.  All of this is just not good manners.  Sincerely The Polite One More by The Polite One How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for...

Dear Polite One, My husband is a 3rd.  My father-in-law and grandfather-in-law are still alive. So, should my son be the 4th? When my husband's grandfather passes—very soon, unfortunately—there will only be the 3rd and 4th.  In the future, if my son, as a 4th, has a son of the same name, would the son become the 5th or begin again as a 1st. Confused Dear Confused, All these numbers . (smile) Your son would be the fourth and his son would be the fifth. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Should Americans bow & curtsy for royalty? How to Handle Three Everyday Manners Problems How to Deal With Sticky Family Issues

  Dear Polite One, What do I wear to a cocktail party? Thank you, A cool and fantastic ten-year-old Hello Cool and Fantastic, You are too young for a cocktail party!   (Grandmother advice)   Still, if you were to attend one, a nice dress or cool pantsuit would be best. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Decode a Dress Code What is Party Casual Attire? What is California Cocktail Attire?

Hello, Polite One, Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to learn from you, Ms. Black. I either suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder or am appalled by discontinuities in common manners .  I think I prefer the latter since the former is simply much too clinical for me. My question: when I make a dish like "Chile Con Queso" or some "Pico de Gallo," the kids (all four 25+) grab chips from the bag and all dip from the common bowl as opposed to what I think should occur; that being everyone should have their own dip filled bowls on a plate with chips on the plate.  I somehow find it simply unthinkable to share from a common bowl.  What do you think?  Here's another little gem...when the kids arrive after a long road trip, I find it unsettling that they do not bother to shower before they go to bed.  I find it unsettling still when they arrive that they take their shoes off and rest their sweaty feet on my coffee table ...

  Hello Polite One , I am new to your site, and I just love it!   It has helped me in several instances.  However, I haven’t been able to find an answer to this particular question.  I have always been told that baby showers are given to first-time/new moms , and not typically given for the second and third child.  Is this correct?  What if the first child was a boy and the second is a girl?  I would greatly appreciate your response as I have a friend who is having her second child and I am not sure as to what to do.  She has hinted about a “baby shower”.  I’ve responded that I thought that showers were only for first-time moms, but she said no not if the sexes are different.  Please Help! Thanks! Baby Shower Blues Hello Baby Shower Blues, Welcome!  I'm glad I have helped you in the past.  And you are from Folsom?  I am a native Sacramentan.  This is great.  Most of my questions are from a gre...

What to do about an intrusive neighbor boy? Dear Polite One,  I have always taught my 5-year-old son to never invite himself to anyone’s home. However, our neighbor boy is exactly the opposite.  He always invites himself to our home at all hours no matter who else is visiting.  The mother is no better, as she calls asking to send him over.  How do I convey that this is rude behavior?  I don’t want to tell her that she has no parenting skills. What is proper neighbor etiquette ?   Frustrated Mom Dear Frustrated Mom,  Bravo on your parenting skills and preparing your son for a well-mannered future.  I agree that it is 'rude' to invite oneself to someone else's home.  Since it is also impolite to correct other’s manners, you may have to teach your neighbor through your actions.  You could politely tell the boy that it is best for him to wait for an invite, as your schedule changes from time to time, and your son wouldn’t kno...

Sometimes it is difficult to recognize the difference between assertiveness and impolite behavior.   Many people allow themselves to be brow-beaten or taking advantage of because they feel that it would be impolite to say anything that could be interpreted as negative.   But it is completely appropriate to inform others how you want to be treated.   This is polite and proper.   Plus, if we are miserable, others around us feel it and that isn’t fair to those with whom we are close.    So, please politely stand your ground knowing that it is proper to do so. Abusive Neighbor Child Dear Polite One,  We recently moved to a new neighborhood. Where we used to live, play dates were generally arranged by the parents contacting each other to set up something mutually convenient, and they would usually accompany the kids and visit with the other parents while the children played. However, in our new neighborhood, kids drop by to play without calling fi...