Got Etiquette Advice?

  How to List Doctors on Invitation Envelope? Dear Polite One , How does one address an envelope for the two following scenarios? 1) The wife is a physician, but the husband is not. 2) Both the wife and husband are physicians, and she used her maiden name. Lots of Doctors Dear Lots of Doctors, The doctor and husband: Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith The doctor couple: Doctor Jane Jones Doctor John Smith Most sincerely, The Polite One What is the Proper Salutation for Doctor Couple? Dear Polite One , How do you write the correct salutation when both the husband and wife are doctors? Doctors All-Around Dear Doctors All-Around, If you are close friends, you would use their first names.  If this is a formal or business letter, you would use the title doctor for both: Doctors Smith, Doctor Sam Smith, and Doctor Tina Smith, or Doctors Tina and Sam Smith.  Most sincerely, The Polite One Don’t Know Husband’s Name and the Wife is ...

  Dear Polite One , How does one address heterosexual domestic partners with a child ? The child has the last name of the father. The child's middle name is the mother's last name. How should envelopes be addressed? How should the inside of a formal letter/invitation and informal letter/invitation be addressed? Sue Smith and Frank Jones and Zak    The Smith-Jones Family                      Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith and Son (or Zak) Should their signatures read Sue Smith, Frank Jones, and Zak Smith-Jones or Frank, Sue, and Zak? Confused Dear Confused, The formal invitation uses two envelopes.  The outer would read Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith on two lines.  The inner envelope would read Mr. Jones, Ms. Smith, Zak Smith Jones all on separate lines.  The informal invitation would read the Jones-Smith F...

  When we lose someone near and dear, we grieve , but also have questions.   I can’t help with the grieving process, but I can do this... May I wait 6 Months to Host Memorial Services? Dear Polite One , I was just wondering if you know of any rules or guidelines concerning the timing of memorial services.  Is there a time limit as to how many days/weeks/months one can wait to have a service for a loved one who's passed?  Is it acceptable to wait 6 months for an entire group of family and friends to all be available to come together to collectively honor one who is gone?  Many Questions Dear Many Questions, Please accept my sincerest sympathies for your loss. There is no set timeline and is a personal decision.  Sometimes this type of gathering must be hosted weeks after the person has passed.  However, typically the memorial is held within the first month.  This is not a rule, just an observation.  That said, it is perfectl...

  Dear Polite One, My question deals with offering alcoholic beverages at parties . Is it rude for the host who does not drink himself, to not offer drinks to those who do?  I would love to know the answer because I am planning a dinner party and am unsure. Sober Dear Sober, It isn’t entirely rude, but it is slightly inconsiderate.  As hosts, we should always consider our guest’s preferences.  And people who do drink like to do so during a party.  It is just a common component found at parties.  This isn’t to say that it cannot be done.  You could verbally inform your guests that you do not drink and therefore won’t be serving any alcohol .  They can then choose to attend or not.  You could serve drinks that seem like alcoholic drinks minus the alcohol.  There are many recipes online for ‘virgin’ drinks. Another option is to host your “gathering” in the early afternoon when most don’t drink alcohol.  Perhaps it could b...

  Dear Polite One, A cleaning service cleans my home once a month.  Since I assume gifts, or at least a tip , are expected by house cleaners for the holidays, what should I give? I'm having difficulty figuring this out since there is always a team of people who are not necessarily the same each time. Holiday stressed Dear Holiday Stressed, Tipping is discretionary and may depend on the region.  However, the going gratuity rate is $25-$100 during the holidays depending on the level of service you receive. Since they only clean once a month, I suggest $25-$50 per person.  The tip could be shared between those who clean your home.  On the other hand, a nice box of candy with a note would be fine also.  That could also be shared.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Brother agreed to no gifts but gave anyway–what to do? Was it wrong to give a gift to her husband? Niece gave to all children except mine–what to do ?

  Dear Polite One, For some reason, my adult niece gave gifts to all the children at our Christmas party except my 12-year-old.  I was stunned.   Since we never discussed a cutoff age for gift-giving, should I ask her if the gift was misplaced.  My daughter needs to write a thank you note if there was a gift.  If she didn't give, should I still give gifts to her child? Thank you. Stunned Dear Stunned, I am so sorry and hope your daughter wasn't too humiliated.  Your niece should have mentioned the missing gift before the party, so you could have discussed it with your daughter.  It wouldn't be appropriate to contact her about the gift because it might appear as if you are requesting one.  However, you might want to talk to her about future gift-giving situations stating that you noticed that she doesn't seem to want to give to older children anymore.  This could give you the information you need, plus it needs to be r...

Dear Polite One, I'm a bit embarrassed and heartbroken.  I gave my mentor and her husband, who is also very active in our group, holiday gifts.  His was a bird book because he had mentioned several times that he wanted to learn more.  Her gift was similar.  They didn't open their gifts in my presence but took them home.  The next day, she returned the gift saying that it wasn't appropriate . What did I do wrong?   Confused Dear Confused, Well, I'm confused as well. I don't get it!  You gave a very considerate gift to her and her husband.  Since you gave to both, she couldn't have been surprised about a gift given specifically to her husband. And a bird book is a safe, neutral, and inoffensive gift.   I just don't understand what you could have done to deserve this treatment. You did nothing wrong.  She acted inappropriately.     Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Bro...

Dear Polite One, My brother and I agreed not to exchange gifts due to financial constraints. Imagine my surprise when, as an early family Christmas gathering, gifts were exchanged including one from my brother and his wife. I was mortified in front of the entire family, as I was empty-handed. What should I do now?  Should I give them a gift?  I feel cheap and embarrassed.   Mortified and embarrassed Dear Mortified and Embarrassed , It sounds as if your sister-in-law loves to give.  It makes her happy. She knew about your deal with her husband/your brother, so she must realize that gifts were not in the mix.   It was her decision to give, so you are not obligated to reciprocate in kind. Homemade cookies or candy , something from the heart, might be appropriate if you wish to give. Other than that, don't worry, smile, and say thank you for her need to give.   Giving is more than simply buying, wrapping, and presenting a store-bought present. Friendship ...

  Dear Polite One, Isn't it customary to send a gift if you receive a graduation announcement? What about if we receive an invitation to a graduation party?  Do we send a gift if unable to attend the graduation party? Haven't a Clue Dear Haven't a Clue , You are not obligated to send gifts for the announcement or invitation. If you are very close to the graduate and wish to give, you may. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Is a military going away party a gift-giving event? How to inform guests to only give gift cards for my housewarming? What is a good college graduation gift for an adult?    

  Dear Polite One, We are invited to an adult's (over 40) college graduation party. They stated that gifts are not expected. But we feel as if we should give cash or a gift card. What is appropriate?    Wondering Dear Wondering , Since this isn't a gift-giving situation, you aren't obligated.   The invitation states "no gifts" so this is exactly what is expected. However, if you wish to give, you could give a gift certificate to a restaurant, bookstore, or something similar. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Single person gives the same as married couples? Is a military going away party a gift-giving event? How to inform guests to only give gift cards for my housewarming?

  Dear Polite One, I just bought my very first home and I cannot wait to make it into my little haven. I will soon host a housewarming party. How do I politely tell guests not to give me gifts? I doubt that they can match my decor and I don't want to store the gift to display it when they come over.  I'd rather just have gift cards. How can I word this on an invitation? Sincerely,                                                               Gift cards only Dear Gift Cards Only , First things first, it's not nice or polite to refuse a gift .  However, you certainly can get the word out that you'd prefer no gifts or write it on the invitation. You could tell ...

  Dear Polite One, Should single people give gifts equivalent to the gifts married couples give? As a single person, I don't have as much money as those who have two wage earners in the family. My sister and her husband make twice as much as I do and give me one gift per event.  I give two – one for each of them – plus gifts for their children .  It doesn't seem fair and I'm running out of money.   Gift Poor Single Girl Dear Gift Poor Single Girl, All gift-giving should be viewed as optional, so there are no rules about who gives what and the value of each gift.  None of this matters.  The focus should be on recognizing those we love.  This could be any gesture and doesn't have to include money.  As a single girl , you are the same as any of us.  Spend the amount you wish to spend.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Acknowledge the birth of brother’s child with a card? How to request funds for col...

  Dear Polite One, My young son would like to invite his friends to his birthday party.  However, many do not have much money.  Even at my son's young age of six years, he requests guests do not bring gifts.  I applaud his values and wish to honor his request.  How do I do this politely? Proud Mom Dear Proud Mom, I'd be proud as well.  Many children want gifts more than just about anything. We are in luck here, since it is now considered perfectly polite to write "no gifts please" on birthday, anniversary, and graduation invitations. Thank you for teaching your child manners. Warm regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One       How to request funds for college account? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, How can I request guests contribute to my birthday girl's college fund? We'd much rather build up the college fund than have more toys around the house. Dear Funds for the Future, I’m sorry, but this is not polite .  Even though gifts are somewhat expected for the birthday of a child, it is impolite to expect gifts and/or to suggest what those gifts should be. However, you could use "word of mouth" to relay your preference to guests.  But be prepared for some to view this as impolite.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party? How can I give a gift when I have no money? Do we include favors for an adult birthday party?

  Dear Polite One, My best friend invited me to her Sweet 16 breakfast and asked me what I was going to get her for her birthday .   I am 16 and have no job, so how can I give her a gift that she will like without coming empty-handed. Thanks, Jobless Teen Dear Jobless in Teen, Jeez, that wasn't very nice , invite someone to your party and then ask, "What are you getting me?" I'm not sure what you could give her that she won't look down upon. Some people just expect a lot. But candy is usually a good choice.  I can usually make my little girl (40 years old) happy with a $10 box of truffles.   Perhaps your parents or guardians could help you with the costs in exchange for some of your hard labor.  There are a few things we all dislike doing like, cleaning the refrigerator, washing, and waxing the car, and cleaning out the garage. Hopefully, you can work a deal.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     ...

  Dear Polite One, Are favors or gift bags expected for an adult birthday party?   We are hosting a birthday party for my sister-in-law at a restaurant. What is the proper birthday party etiquette? Dear Visitor, Favors and gift bags are optional, but seldom used for an adult birthday party. Paying restaurant costs for guests is not optional, however.  Please make sure you can afford all costs before inviting guests. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Are favors appropriate for a religious event? How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for meals? Is a money tree appropriate for a retirement party?      

  Dear Polite One, Huge problem and even bigger accomplishment.  I'm so proud that my three daughters are graduating from three different colleges this year.  Of course, I want to host parties for all three, however I'm concerned about friends and family feeling obligated to give three gifts all at once. How do I host one party for all three graduates? Overwhelmed but Proud Dear Overwhelmed but Proud, Congratulations on the accomplishments of your three daughters . Unfortunately, I can't give you a clear answer, as there is no clear protocol for this issue.  So, we are stuck with my opinion. Even though gift giving is optional for graduates, most usually want to reward the graduate. Therefore, hosting the one big party for all three might not give each their just reward.   Although all are graduating at the same time, the three parties could be held any time for each of your daughters.  The expense for guests would be spread out better as...