Got Etiquette Advice?

  Etiquette is basically the protocol we use in any given situation.   It is the behavior expected of us.   Still, not everyone is comfortable with their knowledge of what is considered proper or appropriate.   On an average day, I will receive questions about all aspects of etiquette. Here are a few questions from some of our readers.   One thing you may notice in my responses is that the etiquette I suggest makes sense.   It is logical.   Shirtless Party? Hi Polite One , Is it improper to go shirtless on a hot summer day at a backyard barbeque with friends and close family members? Shirtless Dear Shirtless, If this is a pool party, it would be fine as many would be shirtless and in swimsuits.   However, if it is simply a dinner party or gathering, it is best to remain clothed.   Ask yourself if it would be an appropriate time for the ladies to be wearing swimsuits or go shirtless.   If the answer is no, then the men s...

  When we lose someone near and dear, we grieve , but also have questions.   I can’t help with the grieving process, but I can do this... May I wait 6 Months to Host Memorial Services? Dear Polite One , I was just wondering if you know of any rules or guidelines concerning the timing of memorial services.  Is there a time limit as to how many days/weeks/months one can wait to have a service for a loved one who's passed?  Is it acceptable to wait 6 months for an entire group of family and friends to all be available to come together to collectively honor one who is gone?  Many Questions Dear Many Questions, Please accept my sincerest sympathies for your loss. There is no set timeline and is a personal decision.  Sometimes this type of gathering must be hosted weeks after the person has passed.  However, typically the memorial is held within the first month.  This is not a rule, just an observation.  That said, it is perfectl...

    Dear Polite One, I received a large monetary gift from a relative.  She stated that she would rather distribute it while she is still living and get joy from seeing how it is used.  I thanked her verbally when I received it and would like to know what the proper follow-up is.   She and I both live in the same small town and I visit her frequently.  Should I still send a written thank-you note through the mail, or give it to her when I visit her this week or is a verbal thank you appropriate? Thank you for your suggestions. Thankful Dear Thankful, Generally, a verbal thank you is fine when you receive a gift face to face.  However, a handwritten thank-you card sent by snail mail is more personal and very proper. Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What is a good thank-you gift for my city bus driver? No Gift Hubby! What’s a Wife to do? Was it wrong to give a gift to her husband?

  Dear Polite One, For some reason, my adult niece gave gifts to all the children at our Christmas party except my 12-year-old.  I was stunned.   Since we never discussed a cutoff age for gift-giving, should I ask her if the gift was misplaced.  My daughter needs to write a thank you note if there was a gift.  If she didn't give, should I still give gifts to her child? Thank you. Stunned Dear Stunned, I am so sorry and hope your daughter wasn't too humiliated.  Your niece should have mentioned the missing gift before the party, so you could have discussed it with your daughter.  It wouldn't be appropriate to contact her about the gift because it might appear as if you are requesting one.  However, you might want to talk to her about future gift-giving situations stating that you noticed that she doesn't seem to want to give to older children anymore.  This could give you the information you need, plus it needs to be r...

Dear Polite One, I'm a bit embarrassed and heartbroken.  I gave my mentor and her husband, who is also very active in our group, holiday gifts.  His was a bird book because he had mentioned several times that he wanted to learn more.  Her gift was similar.  They didn't open their gifts in my presence but took them home.  The next day, she returned the gift saying that it wasn't appropriate . What did I do wrong?   Confused Dear Confused, Well, I'm confused as well. I don't get it!  You gave a very considerate gift to her and her husband.  Since you gave to both, she couldn't have been surprised about a gift given specifically to her husband. And a bird book is a safe, neutral, and inoffensive gift.   I just don't understand what you could have done to deserve this treatment. You did nothing wrong.  She acted inappropriately.     Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One     Bro...

  Dear Polite One, Is it rude to inquire about someone's age when in the company of others?   Inquiring Minds Dear Inquiring Minds, Yikes!  Asking someone's age is not polite in any situation except when a doctor asks in an emergency room. The reason is simple.  How can a person reply to the answer?  "You look good for your age " or "My, I thought you were older?" Tricky and not nice. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Do we pay for our guests to a private golf course? Should Americans bow & curtsy for royalty? What comes after the 3rd?