Got Etiquette Advice?

  How to List Doctors on Invitation Envelope? Dear Polite One , How does one address an envelope for the two following scenarios? 1) The wife is a physician, but the husband is not. 2) Both the wife and husband are physicians, and she used her maiden name. Lots of Doctors Dear Lots of Doctors, The doctor and husband: Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith The doctor couple: Doctor Jane Jones Doctor John Smith Most sincerely, The Polite One What is the Proper Salutation for Doctor Couple? Dear Polite One , How do you write the correct salutation when both the husband and wife are doctors? Doctors All-Around Dear Doctors All-Around, If you are close friends, you would use their first names.  If this is a formal or business letter, you would use the title doctor for both: Doctors Smith, Doctor Sam Smith, and Doctor Tina Smith, or Doctors Tina and Sam Smith.  Most sincerely, The Polite One Don’t Know Husband’s Name and the Wife is ...

  Dear Polite One , How does one address heterosexual domestic partners with a child ? The child has the last name of the father. The child's middle name is the mother's last name. How should envelopes be addressed? How should the inside of a formal letter/invitation and informal letter/invitation be addressed? Sue Smith and Frank Jones and Zak    The Smith-Jones Family                      Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith and Son (or Zak) Should their signatures read Sue Smith, Frank Jones, and Zak Smith-Jones or Frank, Sue, and Zak? Confused Dear Confused, The formal invitation uses two envelopes.  The outer would read Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith on two lines.  The inner envelope would read Mr. Jones, Ms. Smith, Zak Smith Jones all on separate lines.  The informal invitation would read the Jones-Smith F...

  Dear Polite One, Is there a time limit on sending thank-you notes after a funeral? My father's funeral was two months ago and I haven't sent any out yet.  Grateful but sad Dear Grateful but Sad, Please accept my sincere condolences on your loss.   In my opinion, it is never too late to say (or write) thank you. Ideally, you would send your thank-you notes within a month.  However, this is not usually the case; the bereaved usually take much longer.  This is understandable. So, take your time, but please write them. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  A thank you note is such a small thing, yet so enormously powerful in our personal and professional life.  Please master this skill.   Dear Polite One, My husband and I were recently invited to the home of one of his co-workers for dinner who is a talented chef. We brought a bottle of wine and flowers. We, with three other couples, enjoyed a wonderful dinner and conversation, etc.  Is it proper to send a thank-you note for a most enjoyable evening? Visitor from Worcester, Massachusetts Dear Visitor from Worcester, Massachusetts, Yes, it is.  I'm so glad that you asked me.  Many are forgetting the nicety of writing thank-you notes for a dinner invitation to another’s home.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One “One gift per invitee." How many gifts? Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law

  Dear Polite One, What is the proper salutation for a married couple: wife is a doctor , husband is not?  Wondering Dear Wondering, When the doctor is female, the names on the invitation could be separate, such as Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith; on the next line, her name is mentioned first because she holds the higher title.  It could also be: Dr. Jane and John Smith. If the doctor is male, the invitation would read Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.  It is also common and proper to drop the Dr. and just use Mr. and Mrs.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  Dear Polite One, I would like to send flowers to my pastor, who recently had surgery ,  and his wife.  I am not sure how I should have the card addressed.  At church, we call him Pastor or Pastor Smith. We call his wife Jane. Should I put Jane and John Smith, John and Jane Smith, or Pastor and Mrs. John Smith, or is there another option?   Thank you, Visitor from Georgia Dear Visitor from Georgia, It's a very nice gesture for you to send flowers. And the traditional way to address the card would be: Pastor and Mrs. John Smith.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  Dear Polite One, Should I use "Mrs." or "Ms." when sending correspondence to a divorced woman? Wondering from Kansas Dear Wondering from Kansas, Both Mrs. and Ms. are proper when addressing a letter to a divorced woman. If you choose to use Mrs., you will use her first name and last name: Mrs. Jane Brown. However, Ms. is the most common title for women these days, because marital status does not define any of us. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? How to reschedule a retirement party? Mother-in-law added names to the guest list!

  Dear Polite One, How should I reschedule a  retirement party?  Do I send another invitation? Gasp! Dear Gasp! It depends on the number of people you need to contact and your time constraints.  If there is little time and/or it is a small intimate group, call guests about your planning changes. Alternately, if it is a larger group, calling all of them may be time prohibitive.  So, you may have to send another invitation with the new information, including your phone number in case anyone needs more information.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law How to address an envelope if the wife is a doctor?

Dear Polite One, I just found an invitation to my daughter's Bat Mitzvah that didn't make it to the mailbox.  The event is two weeks from now.  This is a close friend and I hoped she could attend, but what do I say to her? If appears as if she is a second thought.  This is such a blunder! Embarrassed Mom   Dear Embarrassed Mom, No worries.  Thankfully, you found the invitation before the event.  Call or visit her ASAP and explain what happened.  Since she is a friend, she should understand.     Best wishes for your daughter's Bat Mitzvah.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to write a formal reply? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!     

  Dear Polite One, There was no reply card with an invitation to a wedding we received.  I believe we are expected to reply with a handwritten note.  How is this done? Is there special stationery for this?  What should be said? No Note Dear No Note, Traditionally, this was expected for a formal wedding .  Unfortunately, this is not the case much anymore since this tradition is disappearing.  It is refreshing to hear of someone following proper wedding etiquette.  A formal reply is written on heavy, high-quality plain white or cream-colored notepaper using blue, blue-black, or black ink. Example Mr. and Mrs. Your Name accept with pleasure       Or, regrets that we are unable to accept the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Their Name for Saturday, the tenth of July at half after six o'clock. It is optional to include the location of the wedding in the acceptance letter. The regret does not have to...

Dear Polite One, Should I send a card to my mother for her anniversary if my father has recently passed ? Worried about Mom Dear Worried about Mom , I am sincerely sorry for your loss.  This must be a difficult time for all of you.  It is especially trying for the parent who is grieving. Although an anniversary is an important date and should not be ignored, an off-the-rack card would not be appropriate.   A handwritten note mentioning a time all of you shared, including your feelings would be priceless.  A visit would be even better.  Your presence may help relieve the pain. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Do I need to write a thank you card for a sympathy card? In the workplace, may we send a group condolence card? How to address the envelope to the reverend?

Dear Polite One, I very recently lost both my parents.  Do I send one thank-you card to those who sent flowers, food, etc., for both parents? Missing my Parents Dear Missing my Parents, Please accept my deepest sympathies for your loss.   Yes, an acknowledgment of condolence letters—not off-the-rack cards—gifts, and food is expected.  But this is an unusual circumstance.  It is perfectly fine to send one acknowledgment per gift, food, etc.  It is unnecessary to send two cards just because the flowers and gifts were for two people.  Warm regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One Importance of Thank You Notes Do I need to write a thank you card for a sympathy card? In the workplace, may we send a group condolence card?

Dear Polite One: Do I need to write thank-you notes for condolence cards?  I will acknowledge those who sent flowers and paid Shiva calls.   Sincerely, Curious Dear Curious, Please accept my condolence on your loss.  It is expected to send thank-you notes out to those who send condolence letters, but not for off-the-rack cards.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address the envelope to the reverend? Do I need to write a thank you card for a sympathy card? In the workplace, may we send a group condolence card?

  Dear Polite One , How do I address the envelope of the thank-you note to the reverend who officiated at my husband's funeral service?  Also, how should I list him in my letter? Lost Dear Lost, I am sincerely sorry for your loss .   It's best to check the church's website.  If nothing is listed about his credentials, it may be best to call and find out what he prefers.  If he has a Ph.D., address him as Doctor Name. If he has no doctorate, address him as The Reverend Name on the envelope and Dear Reverend Name in your letter.     Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Importance of Thank You Notes Do I need to write a thank you card for a sympathy card? In the workplace, may we send a group condolence card?  

Dear Polite One, Everyone in our office wonders if a group condolence card is appropriate for a co-worker who just lost her mother. Wondering Dear Wondering, Group sympathy cards are fine when it comes to co-workers , but never with those who are close like friends and family.  The group card with co-workers' messages usually helps the bereaved feel as if they are thinking of him. Please include a special little note with signatures. My sympathy goes out to the bereaved. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address an envelope to a married woman who kept her maiden name? Should I use the title “Dr.” for social correspondence? Do I need to write a thank you card for a sympathy card?  

  Dear Polite One, Is a thank you card obligatory when one has received a sympathy card ? Thank you, Wondering Dear Wondering, I am sincerely sorry for your loss.   The bereaved is only expected to write thank-you notes for flowers, special favors, and condolence letters, within a month. However, most realize that this is a time for grieving.   Take your time if you need to. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Importance of Thank You Notes Which name is listed first on an envelope? How to address an envelope to a married woman who kept her maiden name?

  Dear Polite One, I'm proud of my doctor husband and want my family and friends to list him as Doctor on envelopes.  My family members find this odd and won't follow my wishes. They always address him as Mr.  This upsets me greatly and I feel it is an insult.  They feel that it is a bit brash to expect my husband to be addressed as "Doctor" by family.  Our friends don't have an issue with this though. Proud Wife Dear Proud Wife, I understand your feelings as one must work extremely hard for many years to become a doctor.  I'm sure you and your husband struggled the same.  However, it is not typical for a family to use " Doctor " when addressing envelopes.  It is considered too formal.   Your family should introduce your husband as Doctor Name to others though.  This is most polite. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address an envelope if the wife is a doctor? Which name is listed first on a...

  Dear Polite One, With so many females keeping their maiden names after marrying, how I address correspondences to them?   Confused Dear Confused, Many times, women keep their maiden names to retain career identity.  This is her name no matter what her marital status is.  So, if the correspondence is primarily to her, list it like the following. Ms. Jane Brown Mr. John Smith If listed on the same line, add an "and."  Ms. Jane Brown and Mr. John Smith If you don't know her husband's name, you could use this example. Ms. Jane Brown and family. If the correspondence is primarily to her husband , list his name first. Mr. John Smith Ms. Jane Brown However, if this is a social correspondence and one is a doctor or holds a title (officer or similar), this person would be listed first. General John Smith and Ms/Mrs. Jane Brown. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-...