Got Etiquette Advice?

  How to List Doctors on Invitation Envelope? Dear Polite One , How does one address an envelope for the two following scenarios? 1) The wife is a physician, but the husband is not. 2) Both the wife and husband are physicians, and she used her maiden name. Lots of Doctors Dear Lots of Doctors, The doctor and husband: Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith The doctor couple: Doctor Jane Jones Doctor John Smith Most sincerely, The Polite One What is the Proper Salutation for Doctor Couple? Dear Polite One , How do you write the correct salutation when both the husband and wife are doctors? Doctors All-Around Dear Doctors All-Around, If you are close friends, you would use their first names.  If this is a formal or business letter, you would use the title doctor for both: Doctors Smith, Doctor Sam Smith, and Doctor Tina Smith, or Doctors Tina and Sam Smith.  Most sincerely, The Polite One Don’t Know Husband’s Name and the Wife is ...

  Dear Polite One , How does one address heterosexual domestic partners with a child ? The child has the last name of the father. The child's middle name is the mother's last name. How should envelopes be addressed? How should the inside of a formal letter/invitation and informal letter/invitation be addressed? Sue Smith and Frank Jones and Zak    The Smith-Jones Family                      Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith and Son (or Zak) Should their signatures read Sue Smith, Frank Jones, and Zak Smith-Jones or Frank, Sue, and Zak? Confused Dear Confused, The formal invitation uses two envelopes.  The outer would read Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith on two lines.  The inner envelope would read Mr. Jones, Ms. Smith, Zak Smith Jones all on separate lines.  The informal invitation would read the Jones-Smith F...

  When we lose someone near and dear, we grieve , but also have questions.   I can’t help with the grieving process, but I can do this... May I wait 6 Months to Host Memorial Services? Dear Polite One , I was just wondering if you know of any rules or guidelines concerning the timing of memorial services.  Is there a time limit as to how many days/weeks/months one can wait to have a service for a loved one who's passed?  Is it acceptable to wait 6 months for an entire group of family and friends to all be available to come together to collectively honor one who is gone?  Many Questions Dear Many Questions, Please accept my sincerest sympathies for your loss. There is no set timeline and is a personal decision.  Sometimes this type of gathering must be hosted weeks after the person has passed.  However, typically the memorial is held within the first month.  This is not a rule, just an observation.  That said, it is perfectl...

  Dear Polite One, We just recently completed a home remodel and had an open house party with cocktails and  horse  d'oeuvres .   Many of the roughly 100 guests brought housewarming gifts, although we didn’t expect them.   Are thank-you notes appropriate? Wonderful Friends Dear Wonderful Friends, It sounds like you are a gracious host!  Excellent.  A handwritten thank you note for gifts you receive is always a great idea.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How can I include my registries on my housewarming party invitation? Who hosts a housewarming party, when and how? What is an appropriate housewarming gift?

  Dear Polite One, My oldest son returns from deployment at the same time my youngest daughter graduates from high school.  Since both events are reasons to celebrate, should I plan for one party to celebrate both events?  I want to have many of the same people attend, but don't want to overwhelm them with two different dates.  The welcome home part of the party could come first so the military families could leave afterward.   I'm just a little concerned about the gift issue.  I don't want the military families to feel like they should bring one for my daughter.  Should I write this on the invitation? Confused Mom Dear Confused Mom, It might be better to split the parties into separate events, as it isn't as special for your two children. Although, you know more about what is right for your family.  If you do host this as one party, de-emphasizing gift-giving is best. The graduation party is not necessarily a gift-giving ...

    Dear Polite One, My husband's work-related retirement party will be at a restaurant--employer pays for only current employees.  We are allowed to invite others to the party, but I'm at a loss of how to word the invitations, informing them that they will be expected to pay their own check? Thanks, Worried Wife Dear Worried Wife , This is one of the very few exceptions to the "you invite so you pay" rules.  Basically, the reason for the exception is it's organized through the employer.   Contact the restaurant to find out the fee they expect the invited to pay.  It is most common for it to be a choice of predetermined entrees.    Then you could send out an invitation like: Share in celebrating Sam's retirement at Happy Restaurant, 5 pm, Friday, March 1. Happy Restaurant is offering XX, XX, and XX for $$ per person. Please contact XXX for more information.  Hope to see you there.  I would also call each guest t...

  Dear Polite One, Is there a time limit on sending thank-you notes after a funeral? My father's funeral was two months ago and I haven't sent any out yet.  Grateful but sad Dear Grateful but Sad, Please accept my sincere condolences on your loss.   In my opinion, it is never too late to say (or write) thank you. Ideally, you would send your thank-you notes within a month.  However, this is not usually the case; the bereaved usually take much longer.  This is understandable. So, take your time, but please write them. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  A thank you note is such a small thing, yet so enormously powerful in our personal and professional life.  Please master this skill.   Dear Polite One, My husband and I were recently invited to the home of one of his co-workers for dinner who is a talented chef. We brought a bottle of wine and flowers. We, with three other couples, enjoyed a wonderful dinner and conversation, etc.  Is it proper to send a thank-you note for a most enjoyable evening? Visitor from Worcester, Massachusetts Dear Visitor from Worcester, Massachusetts, Yes, it is.  I'm so glad that you asked me.  Many are forgetting the nicety of writing thank-you notes for a dinner invitation to another’s home.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One “One gift per invitee." How many gifts? Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law

  Dear Polite One, What is the proper salutation for a married couple: wife is a doctor , husband is not?  Wondering Dear Wondering, When the doctor is female, the names on the invitation could be separate, such as Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith; on the next line, her name is mentioned first because she holds the higher title.  It could also be: Dr. Jane and John Smith. If the doctor is male, the invitation would read Dr. and Mrs. John Smith.  It is also common and proper to drop the Dr. and just use Mr. and Mrs.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  Dear Polite One, I would like to send flowers to my pastor, who recently had surgery ,  and his wife.  I am not sure how I should have the card addressed.  At church, we call him Pastor or Pastor Smith. We call his wife Jane. Should I put Jane and John Smith, John and Jane Smith, or Pastor and Mrs. John Smith, or is there another option?   Thank you, Visitor from Georgia Dear Visitor from Georgia, It's a very nice gesture for you to send flowers. And the traditional way to address the card would be: Pastor and Mrs. John Smith.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Ms. or Mrs. for a divorced woman? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? She is hosting her party and asking for gifts!

  Dear Polite One, Should I use "Mrs." or "Ms." when sending correspondence to a divorced woman? Wondering from Kansas Dear Wondering from Kansas, Both Mrs. and Ms. are proper when addressing a letter to a divorced woman. If you choose to use Mrs., you will use her first name and last name: Mrs. Jane Brown. However, Ms. is the most common title for women these days, because marital status does not define any of us. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? How to reschedule a retirement party? Mother-in-law added names to the guest list!

  Dear Polite One, How should I reschedule a  retirement party?  Do I send another invitation? Gasp! Dear Gasp! It depends on the number of people you need to contact and your time constraints.  If there is little time and/or it is a small intimate group, call guests about your planning changes. Alternately, if it is a larger group, calling all of them may be time prohibitive.  So, you may have to send another invitation with the new information, including your phone number in case anyone needs more information.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? Correspondence: Dr and Hubby, Grieving Brother-In-Law How to address an envelope if the wife is a doctor?

  Dear Polite One, There was no reply card with an invitation to a wedding we received.  I believe we are expected to reply with a handwritten note.  How is this done? Is there special stationery for this?  What should be said? No Note Dear No Note, Traditionally, this was expected for a formal wedding .  Unfortunately, this is not the case much anymore since this tradition is disappearing.  It is refreshing to hear of someone following proper wedding etiquette.  A formal reply is written on heavy, high-quality plain white or cream-colored notepaper using blue, blue-black, or black ink. Example Mr. and Mrs. Your Name accept with pleasure       Or, regrets that we are unable to accept the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Their Name for Saturday, the tenth of July at half after six o'clock. It is optional to include the location of the wedding in the acceptance letter. The regret does not have to...

Please remember that adult birthday parties are not considered gift-giving events. Plus, if you are hosting any type of party, please do not expect your guests to pay for it.  As a host, you provide everything. Dear Etiquette Guru, I read one of your questions from a young girl that asked for advice on how to ask "guests" to pay for their meal at a party she is "hosting"....huh?! You are not a host if you are asking anyone to pay for anything. That is just obscene! I've never heard of such a thing. When you invite friends/family to a restaurant for a celebration it is common knowledge that you are hosting it, which means you are paying. I'm wondering how these GIRLS are being raised?! On a literal brighter note, I appreciate all the information you provide especially to those that are clueless. I love your site. Respectfully, Thankful to be in California! The Polite One’s Reply: Thank you for your support.  And it is good to note that we ...

  Dear Polite One, I am hosting my parent's anniversary party at a restaurant. How to tell guests that they will have to pay for their meal? Loves Parents Dear Loves Parents, This is a huge no-no and there is no polite way to list this on invitations.  It is never, ever, polite to ask guests to provide the party.  If a host invites, a host hosts the entire party.  They pay. Host the party you can afford to host.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One She is hosting her party and asking for gifts! Should I send an anniversary card to my mom if dad has passed? Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation?

  Dear Polite One, My friend is hosting her own birthday party at a restaurant, expects us to buy our own dinner, drinks, and give a gift.  She prefers gift cards.   She actually listed her registries on the invitation.  How do I tell her that this is tacky and rude?    Worried Friend Dear Worried Friend, You are correct that it is tacky to ask friends to pay for the parties. Expecting gifts is even worse.  Requesting a specific gift is beyond impolite. Yikes!  Plus, we never register for birthday parties.  Unfortunately, you could lose your friend by mentioning this to her. Perhaps you might try telling her that you have read that this is impolite and are worried about her reputation .  It might help, but probably won't.  She doesn't appear to care about what others think.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Listing “No Children” and “Monetary Gifts” on the Invitation? Mother-in-law ...