Got Etiquette Advice?

Dear Polite One, My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for 25 years.  In the past, he gave me a gift on Valentine’s Day and for our anniversary but never for Christmas or my birthday.  Now he doesn’t give me anything, not even a card.  How do I respond to that? Tracy Dear Tracy, In my opinion and experience, most men are much more direct than women.  Women tend to "infer" their preferences, while men directly state them.  It may be best for you to speak directly to your husband about your feelings.  Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable purchasing gifts .  Perhaps his feelings have changed.  You won't know unless you discuss this with him.  But prepare to hear something you may not want to hear.  I hope it is not hurtful.  Having said this, I am not a therapist or a relationship expert, although I have some experience due to my job.  I can only offer my opinion.  So, take my advi...

  Dear Polite One, For some reason, my adult niece gave gifts to all the children at our Christmas party except my 12-year-old.  I was stunned.   Since we never discussed a cutoff age for gift-giving, should I ask her if the gift was misplaced.  My daughter needs to write a thank you note if there was a gift.  If she didn't give, should I still give gifts to her child? Thank you. Stunned Dear Stunned, I am so sorry and hope your daughter wasn't too humiliated.  Your niece should have mentioned the missing gift before the party, so you could have discussed it with your daughter.  It wouldn't be appropriate to contact her about the gift because it might appear as if you are requesting one.  However, you might want to talk to her about future gift-giving situations stating that you noticed that she doesn't seem to want to give to older children anymore.  This could give you the information you need, plus it needs to be r...

Dear Polite One, My brother and I agreed not to exchange gifts due to financial constraints. Imagine my surprise when, as an early family Christmas gathering, gifts were exchanged including one from my brother and his wife. I was mortified in front of the entire family, as I was empty-handed. What should I do now?  Should I give them a gift?  I feel cheap and embarrassed.   Mortified and embarrassed Dear Mortified and Embarrassed , It sounds as if your sister-in-law loves to give.  It makes her happy. She knew about your deal with her husband/your brother, so she must realize that gifts were not in the mix.   It was her decision to give, so you are not obligated to reciprocate in kind. Homemade cookies or candy , something from the heart, might be appropriate if you wish to give. Other than that, don't worry, smile, and say thank you for her need to give.   Giving is more than simply buying, wrapping, and presenting a store-bought present. Friendship ...

  Dear Polite One, My brother's fiancée’s sister just gave birth.  I'm wondering if I should acknowledge the birth with flowers or a card.  My brother filmed the birth. Thank you, Jennifer Dear Jennifer, It is entirely your choice.  The very least would be to send a card.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One       Do we include favors for an adult birthday party? How to request funds for college account? How to request no gifts for child’s birthday party?

  Dear Polite One , My sister and I have an ongoing battle regarding gift opening. I think it is good manners when I give my nieces’ a gift for their birthday (or any occasion) they should open it in front of me and convey their thanks.   My sister believes the opposite and says that the gift etiquette is to open the present later.  This usually results in me having to ask later if they liked their gift.  Sometimes, they might ring up and say "thanks for the present" but then I feel no real enjoyment in the giving. I would appreciate some clarity on this subject, please. Thanks Sydney, Australia Dear Visitor from Sydney, Australia, There is no clear answer for this.  If the gift is given in private, with just you, the recipient, and perhaps her family, then she should open it.  If there are others visiting, then she should wait for a private time.  The reason for this is that we wouldn’t want to make others feel as if they should h...

  Dear Polite One , My aunt is hosting a baby shower for me soon.  Because she has limited space, I was asked to provide just a few names. Imagine my aunt's surprise, and mine, when my mother-in-law invited several people on her own.  Now I feel embarrassed and more than a little angry.  We left some close family out due to space.   What should I do?                      Sincerely, Hurt daughter-in-law.              Dear Hurt daughter-in-law, I am so sorry your mother-in-law added this stress at this time.  It was inexcusable.  Does your husband realize what his mother did? If not, it may be best to mention it to him along with how you feel about it. You two should stand together on this and nip this type of behavior in the bud.  If he can't or won't for whatever reason, ...

Dear Polite One, Should I send a card to my mother for her anniversary if my father has recently passed ? Worried about Mom Dear Worried about Mom , I am sincerely sorry for your loss.  This must be a difficult time for all of you.  It is especially trying for the parent who is grieving. Although an anniversary is an important date and should not be ignored, an off-the-rack card would not be appropriate.   A handwritten note mentioning a time all of you shared, including your feelings would be priceless.  A visit would be even better.  Your presence may help relieve the pain. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Do I need to write a thank you card for a sympathy card? In the workplace, may we send a group condolence card? How to address the envelope to the reverend?

  Dear Polite One, Is it rude to inquire about someone's age when in the company of others?   Inquiring Minds Dear Inquiring Minds, Yikes!  Asking someone's age is not polite in any situation except when a doctor asks in an emergency room. The reason is simple.  How can a person reply to the answer?  "You look good for your age " or "My, I thought you were older?" Tricky and not nice. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Do we pay for our guests to a private golf course? Should Americans bow & curtsy for royalty? What comes after the 3rd?

  Hello Polite One, I need help with the following scenario! I have been invited to dinner by my sister-in-law.  Mother-in-law and another sister-in-law will also be in attendance.  My sister-in-law said to me that I may invite others as well.  I find this sticky/difficult, for several reasons. Several of the parties are not friendly with one another.   Inviting the person(s) says you are paying for dinner; that’s not happening If guests are limited, others will be offended they were not invited. Sincerely, Tarole Dear Tarole, Hello there! You have a perfect out.  You could inform your sister-in-law that you don't feel comfortable inviting people to another's affair.  Plus, it is even more uncomfortable because guests would have to pay for themselves...this is awkward for you.  If she insists that this isn't a problem for her, just stay firm stating that you really don't feel comfortable with it.  Then you could foll...

  Dear Polite One, I have a situation that I need your advice with.  My sister is planning to host a housewarming "party" for her daughter, husband, and son who just moved into their first real house.  The couple have been married about 3 years and have a 20-mo. old son.  She asked some people from her church (my sister's husband is the pastor) to help with a housewarming for her daughter/son-in-law.  Then today she calls me to ask if I think "the family" would be interested in helping with this.  Personally, I didn't think this was proper for her to be initiating a housewarming party for her own daughter and secondly, I don't see why they should have one just to obtain gifts to help them furnish their new little house.  They had a household/bridal shower when they got married and haven't even unpacked many of their items simply because they haven't actually had their "own" place until now.  I really didn't know what to say...

  Prefers Cash Graduation is a major life event we tend to celebrate, as we should.  However, since this is considered by most to be a gift-giving event, we should follow some etiquette guidance or chance appearing...well, not so well mannered.    Dear Polite One My daughter is graduating from High School this year. She does not plan to go to college yet and has secured an assistant management position with her current employer. My question is: she would prefer to have cash in lieu of  gifts . Is it appropriate to state that on the reception invitations and if so how would I word it? I would greatly appreciate a prompt reply as I am preparing the invitations to print and need to know. Thanks so much, Jean Dear Jean, No, it is never appropriate to ask for gifts, especially cash.  Can you imagine receiving an invitation for graduation and reading that you are expected to bring your wallet?  A graduation party is not necess...

Some have a problem with boundaries, even family .  As much as we may love them, we may not want them in our home for more than a short visit.  This is especially troublesome when the reluctant host is not predisposed to hospitality.  But what is the politest way to deal with this issue?  Let’s find out.  Aloha Polite One,  I have a question about how to approach my mother about her intrusive ways.  My husband and I currently live 3,000 away from my family and enjoy privacy.  In a few months, we will be moving much closer, about 600 miles away.  My mom has mentioned that she is thrilled that we will be closer so that she can visit.  She is currently stopping by my sister’s house without notice and inviting herself to stay the night.  My fear is that she will drive a long way to my house and expect to stay however long she likes.  This will be a problem for me and my husband, as she will wear out he...

  Abusers tend to use the same playbook: placate their prey, and then make excuses why the prey is worthy of abuse until the prey is worn down.   The cycle continues until the prey finds a way to stop it.   The abuser, typically, doesn’t have a reason or will to stop.   So, how does the abused end this cycle?   It’s never easy.   This is one of those cases.   How to Deal With Abusive Mother Dear Polite One,  Typically, when someone comes to visit, a host would plan enjoyable activities, choose restaurants to visit, tourist activities based on the guest's preferences.  However, this host doesn't want to even be in the same room with the impending guest, let alone host her.   My abusive mother is coming to visit me, even though we haven't spoken in two years, and she continues to abuse my siblings.  I stuck up for my siblings and there was a huge fight.  She acts as if nothing has transpired between us.  I didn't invite...