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Boyfriend Issues: One Handsy. One Unsupportive

 Boyfriend Issues 

Any type of commitment is a test.  One that should be taken seriously, if one is serious.  Logically, this would mean that when in a personal relationship with another person, your focus would naturally be on the other’s feelings, comfort, and well-being.  When that isn’t the case, well, you just may have failed that test.  

How to tell my boyfriend to stop touching other women?

Hello Polite One, 

Please help me with relationship etiquette, as I feel I am not subjective with this issue.   

My boyfriend is always touching other women when he talks to them.  The kicker is that I’m standing right next to him and he excludes me from the conversation. Sometimes when we are out at a restaurant, he’ll leave me at the table to talk to others as well.  It always seems to revolve around females too.  Is this appropriate?

Fuming

Dear Fuming, 

This shouldn’t be a problem if he is a “touchy-feely” type of person with everyone.  I’m that sort, so I can relate.  However, if this behavior is only exhibited around other women, it could be a big red flag.  His focus should be on you and not on other women’s body parts.  Obviously, he can converse with others, but you should be involved in all conversations.  

Moreover, he should not leave you at a table to go visit others and not include you.  If he noticed long-lost friends at a restaurant, he should invite you to follow him and introduce you to his friends. You two should visit for just a few minutes and return to your table.  

Unfortunately, many just do not know what is and what is not polite.  This could be the issue here.  But you will never know unless you discuss your feelings with him.  Open communication is essential in a relationship.

Sincerely, 

The Polite One

How do I deal with my boyfriend’s rude friends?

Dear Polite One,

My fiancé's female friends have made numerous public comments about my dark roots when in-between dye applications. I find this rude and am insulted. My fiancé doesn't think anything about the comments and thinks I'm over-reacting.  In fact, he expects us all to be close friends. Is this rude behavior? How do I deal with these rude people?

Thank you, 

Color me insulted

Dear Color me insulted, 

You are correct that they are behaving badly.  In fact, I would imagine that they know what they are doing.  Sometimes, especially for competitive females, we feel threatened when a new female comes into our circle.  They have all been friends for some time.  You are the new female introduced to their circle. Potentially, you could destroy the relationship between your fiancé and women.  That's when the cat's claws come out.  So, what to do?  

Bottom line, these are your fiancé's friends, you are with him, so you will be with the friends as well.  This means that you need to be able to accept the comments as your fiancé views them as if they are nothing. Do the "duck".  Duck's feathers keep him from getting wet.  The water rolls off his back.  Be that duck. Laugh about the dark roots stating that the box is in the mail.  They will soon get tired of the game and, hopefully, begin to get to know you better.  If not, and the situation gets worse, and your fiancé won't support you, this might not be the relationship for you.   

Best wishes, 

The Polite One

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