Mom is Intrusive! What to do?

Mom is intrusive and wants to stay in our home.

Some have a problem with boundaries, even family. As much as we may love them, we may not want them in our home for more than a short visit. This is especially troublesome when the reluctant host is not predisposed to hospitality. But what is the politest way to deal with this issue? Let’s find out.

Aloha Polite One,

I have a question about how to approach my mother about her intrusive ways. My husband and I currently live 3,000 away from my family and enjoy privacy. In a few months, we will be moving much closer, about 600 miles away.

My mom has mentioned that she is thrilled that we will be closer so that she can visit. She is currently stopping by my sister’s house without notice and inviting herself to stay the night. My fear is that she will drive a long way to my house and expect to stay however long she likes.

This will be a problem for me and my husband, as she will wear out her welcome very quickly. I'd like to approach her about this before it becomes a problem. I've thought about telling her that my husband values our privacy, but I think I need to be more direct. What can I say to prevent this without hurting her feelings?

Mahalo!

Amy

Aloha Amy,

I feel that it is best to be honest. You could begin by telling your mother that you are happy that you will be living closer also. But you have one reservation. You and your husband are not accustomed to hosting visitors and have active lives. You could follow this by telling her how much you love her but really need privacy. If you feel as if you want to visit her, you could tell her that your move will make it easier for you to visit her.

Good luck with this. Family can be trying.

Mahalo, Amy.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

What to do about hurtful mother-in-law?

My Brother is Rude to My Children!

Comments

What is California Cocktail Attire?

Dear Polite One , What is California cocktail attire? Thank you, Confused Dear Confused , There is no such thing. At times, it feels as if hosts just like to make these things up to confuse their guests. I’m sure that’s not the case. Still... Many hosts try to create a “feeling,” or more appropriately, “set the stage” for an event. So, they will incorporate a well-known attire category with a word that describes that elusive stage. This leads to the confusion we both feel since neither of us can actually see inside their minds. So, I suggest going with slightly laid-back cocktail attire, which typically is the suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women. Perhaps skip the tie and accessories that appear expensive. Additionally, it is appropriate to call the host and ask for clarification. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Decode ...

What is proper birthday party etiquette?

Guests Contribute to College Fund Dear Polite One , My son turns five next month and I want to inform all guests to contribute to his college fund. He has enough toys and I must consider his future. How do I list this on the invitation? Will an evite work? Wants Donations Dear Wants Donations, I’m sorry but this would be most impolite . Hosts never request cash or any type of monetary contribution for a child’s birthday. If your child is lucky enough to have all his needs met, you could inform guests not to give gifts. This would be best. Good luck! Sincerely, The Polite One Host Wants Guests to Host Dear Polite One, What should I do? My daughter’s best friend is having a birthday party. Her mother has requested all parents attend to help monitor the children while they play at a local miniature golf course. Plus, we are all expected to pay our cost and that of our child. Help! Dear Help! Yikes! This i...

How to address a divorced woman? Mrs or Ms?

Dear Polite One, Should I use "Mrs." or "Ms." when sending correspondence to a divorced woman? Wondering from Kansas Dear Wondering from Kansas, Both Mrs. and Ms. are proper when addressing a letter to a divorced woman. If you choose to use Mrs., you will use her first name and last name: Mrs. Jane Brown. However, Ms. is the most common title for women these days, because marital status does not define any of us. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Too late to send an invitation to Bat Mitzvah? How to reschedule a retirement party? Mother-in-law added names to the guest list!

Got Etiquette Advice?

Search This Blog