Mom is Intrusive! What to do?

Mom is intrusive and wants to stay in our home.

Some have a problem with boundaries, even family. As much as we may love them, we may not want them in our home for more than a short visit. This is especially troublesome when the reluctant host is not predisposed to hospitality. But what is the politest way to deal with this issue? Let’s find out.

Aloha Polite One,

I have a question about how to approach my mother about her intrusive ways. My husband and I currently live 3,000 away from my family and enjoy privacy. In a few months, we will be moving much closer, about 600 miles away.

My mom has mentioned that she is thrilled that we will be closer so that she can visit. She is currently stopping by my sister’s house without notice and inviting herself to stay the night. My fear is that she will drive a long way to my house and expect to stay however long she likes.

This will be a problem for me and my husband, as she will wear out her welcome very quickly. I'd like to approach her about this before it becomes a problem. I've thought about telling her that my husband values our privacy, but I think I need to be more direct. What can I say to prevent this without hurting her feelings?

Mahalo!

Amy

Aloha Amy,

I feel that it is best to be honest. You could begin by telling your mother that you are happy that you will be living closer also. But you have one reservation. You and your husband are not accustomed to hosting visitors and have active lives. You could follow this by telling her how much you love her but really need privacy. If you feel as if you want to visit her, you could tell her that your move will make it easier for you to visit her.

Good luck with this. Family can be trying.

Mahalo, Amy.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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