Dear
Polite One,
I
have a situation that I need your advice with. My sister is planning to host
a housewarming "party" for her daughter, husband, and son who just moved
into their first real house. The couple have been married about 3 years
and have a 20-mo. old son.
She
asked some people from her church (my sister's husband is the pastor) to help
with a housewarming for her daughter/son-in-law. Then today she calls me
to ask if I think "the family" would be interested in helping with
this.
Personally,
I didn't think this was proper
for her to be initiating a housewarming party for her own daughter and
secondly, I don't see why they should have one just to obtain gifts to help
them furnish their new little house. They had a household/bridal shower
when they got married and haven't even unpacked many of their items simply
because they haven't actually had their "own" place until now.
I really didn't know what to say so I just skated around the question and
brought up some other questions for her to consider.
I
just don't know what to really say or do. I just think she's putting her
church members and her family on the spot. Seems really tacky to me.
Thanks
for your help,
Glenda
Dear
Glenda,
You
are correct that this comes off as tacky. This tacky trend was started by large store
chains as another way to generate income—to register for housewarming
gifts. Erg! So, some people genuinely thought, and still think that
it is proper to treat a housewarming as a shower. Definitely, it is
not.
You
are correct in all your assumptions. This is supposed to be a party the
couple hosts for themselves. They invite those close to them and some new
neighbors to come see their new home and for everyone to ‘warm’ their home with
love—not items. This is not considered a gift-giving event per se.
Guests may bring little items such as spoon rests, candles, frames, or perhaps
a book—nothing expensive, and this is all optional. The couple is responsible
for providing refreshments and entertaining their guests, no one else does
this.
I
sincerely hope the mother didn’t host their shower. T
his is a major faux
pas as well.
Here
is a suggestion that usually works. You could tell her that you were
perusing the internet and came across my site. You could let her know
that you found my page: Got Etiquette Advice?
This
page outlines how I feel about this, the rules, and how some others feel as
well. Most find this disgusting and rude. Some feel as if it is
their ‘right’ to host this any way they wish. It is unfortunate. But
this is not just my opinion nor the opinion of others. The housewarming
is mentioned in all etiquette books.
One
warning though... One of my visitors warned her friend who then disowned
her. The friend took offense and told her that she was too
judgmental. My poor visitor was shaken and very upset. So tread lightly. Some must make their own mistakes and learn
for themselves. It is unfortunate.
Good
luck with this!
Sincerely,
The
Polite One
More
by The Polite One
What to do About Out-of-Town Guests For Our Housewarming
Party?
Comments
Post a Comment