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Yikes! Sister Wants to Host Her Daughter's Housewarming Party!

Shock. Dismay. Woman is shocked. 

Dear Polite One,

I have a situation that I need your advice with.  My sister is planning to host a housewarming "party" for her daughter, husband, and son who just moved into their first real house.  The couple have been married about 3 years and have a 20-mo. old son. 

She asked some people from her church (my sister's husband is the pastor) to help with a housewarming for her daughter/son-in-law.  Then today she calls me to ask if I think "the family" would be interested in helping with this. 

Personally, I didn't think this was proper for her to be initiating a housewarming party for her own daughter and secondly, I don't see why they should have one just to obtain gifts to help them furnish their new little house.  They had a household/bridal shower when they got married and haven't even unpacked many of their items simply because they haven't actually had their "own" place until now.  I really didn't know what to say so I just skated around the question and brought up some other questions for her to consider.

I just don't know what to really say or do.  I just think she's putting her church members and her family on the spot.  Seems really tacky to me.

Thanks for your help,

Glenda

Dear Glenda,

You are correct that this comes off as tacky.  This tacky trend was started by large store chains as another way to generate income—to register for housewarming gifts.  Erg!  So, some people genuinely thought, and still think that it is proper to treat a housewarming as a shower.  Definitely, it is not. 

You are correct in all your assumptions.  This is supposed to be a party the couple hosts for themselves.  They invite those close to them and some new neighbors to come see their new home and for everyone to ‘warm’ their home with love—not items.  This is not considered a gift-giving event per se.  Guests may bring little items such as spoon rests, candles, frames, or perhaps a book—nothing expensive, and this is all optional.  The couple is responsible for providing refreshments and entertaining their guests, no one else does this.

I sincerely hope the mother didn’t host their shower.  T
his is a major faux pas as well. 

Here is a suggestion that usually works.  You could tell her that you were perusing the internet and came across my site.  You could let her know that you found my page: Got Etiquette Advice?  

This page outlines how I feel about this, the rules, and how some others feel as well.  Most find this disgusting and rude.  Some feel as if it is their ‘right’ to host this any way they wish.  It is unfortunate.  But this is not just my opinion nor the opinion of others.  The housewarming is mentioned in all etiquette books. 

One warning though...  One of my visitors warned her friend who then disowned her.  The friend took offense and told her that she was too judgmental.  My poor visitor was shaken and very upset.  So tread lightly.  Some must make their own mistakes and learn for themselves.  It is unfortunate. 

Good luck with this!

Sincerely,

The Polite One

More by The Polite One

What to do About Out-of-Town Guests For Our Housewarming Party?

May I Host a Housewarming Party Without Alcohol?

Is There a Time Limit For Hosting a Housewarming Party?

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