Got Etiquette Advice?

Ah, new relationships...so sweet.  Still, at times it seems we’re walking on ice as if we have to watch every step or slip right through into cold water.  Do I do this, that, or go in a different direction.  Too many questions and variables.  Perhaps these two situations may clear up some doubts.  Should I give a gift to a new boyfriend? Hello Polite One,   I am in a new relationship, just a few months of romantic bliss.  With the holidays approaching, I was wondering if I should give him a gift.  On one hand, I'd like to give him a gift  but on the other, I don’t want to make him feel obligated to return the favor.    What does dating and relationship etiquette dictate?    Thank You,  Visitor Dear Visitor,  Gifts are always optional even when a relationship grows into something more. However, it isn’t wrong to give him a gift .  A great, non-committal type, a gift would b...

  Prefers Cash Graduation is a major life event we tend to celebrate, as we should.  However, since this is considered by most to be a gift-giving event, we should follow some etiquette guidance or chance appearing...well, not so well mannered.    Dear Polite One My daughter is graduating from High School this year. She does not plan to go to college yet and has secured an assistant management position with her current employer. My question is: she would prefer to have cash in lieu of  gifts . Is it appropriate to state that on the reception invitations and if so how would I word it? I would greatly appreciate a prompt reply as I am preparing the invitations to print and need to know. Thanks so much, Jean Dear Jean, No, it is never appropriate to ask for gifts, especially cash.  Can you imagine receiving an invitation for graduation and reading that you are expected to bring your wallet?  A graduation party is not necess...

  How to deal with freeloading in-laws? Dear Polite One,  Our married son recently received his Air Force wings.  As a former Navy pilot, my husband is especially proud, as am I.  So, we wanted to be there with him to attend his acceptance ceremony.  His in-laws insisted on attending as well, which on the face of it sounds wonderful. However, my son and his wife live in a small apartment with little spare room for guests.  Her parents arrived before us and stayed with them, forcing us to lodge a hotel room; we didn’t want to crowd them too much and be a burden.  We all went out for dinner celebrating our son’s achievement and the in-laws didn’t offer to pay their part.  Out of respect for our daughter-in-law, we paid for all of it. This is not the first time and I doubt it will be the last.  They impeded on our time with our son and freeload on our generosity.  I need relationship etiquette advice on how to deal with them in the ...

    Any type of commitment is a test.   One that should be taken seriously, if one is serious.   Logically, this would mean that when in a personal relationship with another person, your focus would naturally be on the other’s feelings, comfort, and well-being.   When that isn’t the case, well, you just may have failed that test.   How to tell my boyfriend to stop touching other women? Hello Polite One,  Please help me with relationship etiquette, as I feel I am not subjective with this issue.    My boyfriend is always touching other women when he talks to them.  The kicker is that I’m standing right next to him and he excludes me from the conversation. Sometimes when we are out at a restaurant, he’ll leave me at the table to talk to others as well.  It always seems to revolve around females too.  Is this appropriate? Fuming Dear Fuming ,  This shouldn’t be a problem if he is a “touchy-feely” type of ...

What to do about an intrusive neighbor boy? Dear Polite One,  I have always taught my 5-year-old son to never invite himself to anyone’s home. However, our neighbor boy is exactly the opposite.  He always invites himself to our home at all hours no matter who else is visiting.  The mother is no better, as she calls asking to send him over.  How do I convey that this is rude behavior?  I don’t want to tell her that she has no parenting skills. What is proper neighbor etiquette ?   Frustrated Mom Dear Frustrated Mom,  Bravo on your parenting skills and preparing your son for a well-mannered future.  I agree that it is 'rude' to invite oneself to someone else's home.  Since it is also impolite to correct other’s manners, you may have to teach your neighbor through your actions.  You could politely tell the boy that it is best for him to wait for an invite, as your schedule changes from time to time, and your son wouldn’t kno...

Guests Contribute to College Fund Dear Polite One , My son turns five next month and I want to inform all guests to contribute to his college fund.  He has enough toys and I must consider his future.  How do I list this on the invitation?  Will an evite work? Wants Donations Dear Wants Donations, I’m sorry but this would be most impolite .  Hosts never request cash or any type of monetary contribution for a child’s birthday.  If your child is lucky enough to have all his needs met, you could inform guests not to give gifts.  This would be best. Good luck! Sincerely, The Polite One Host Wants Guests to Host Dear Polite One, What should I do?  My daughter’s best friend is having a birthday party.  Her mother has requested all parents attend to help monitor the children while they play at a local miniature golf course.  Plus, we are all expected to pay our cost and that of our child. Help! Dear Help! Yikes!  This i...

Some have a problem with boundaries, even family .  As much as we may love them, we may not want them in our home for more than a short visit.  This is especially troublesome when the reluctant host is not predisposed to hospitality.  But what is the politest way to deal with this issue?  Let’s find out.  Aloha Polite One,  I have a question about how to approach my mother about her intrusive ways.  My husband and I currently live 3,000 away from my family and enjoy privacy.  In a few months, we will be moving much closer, about 600 miles away.  My mom has mentioned that she is thrilled that we will be closer so that she can visit.  She is currently stopping by my sister’s house without notice and inviting herself to stay the night.  My fear is that she will drive a long way to my house and expect to stay however long she likes.  This will be a problem for me and my husband, as she will wear out he...

  When an in-law’s behavior suddenly changes after the birth of their first grandchild, one is left wondering why.  Is it jealousy or simply finally displaying what was once hidden? This young mother is experiencing exactly that.  What should she do?  Dear Polite One,  My mother-in-law appears to hate me since the birth of our baby.  They love our daughter and take pictures of her and my husband but ignores me.  The hurt has been building, but I haven’t wanted to say anything. Now my husband can see it as well, as his mother will tell him to take the baby from me so she can get a picture.  I don’t know what has changed in our relationship, but she now refers to me as “she” and “her”.  She won’t even say my name.  Even though my husband sees what is going on, he won’t confront his mother or try to include me when his mother openly excludes me.  I’m beginning to resent him nearly as much as her at this point.  What can I d...

Sometimes it is difficult to recognize the difference between assertiveness and impolite behavior.   Many people allow themselves to be brow-beaten or taking advantage of because they feel that it would be impolite to say anything that could be interpreted as negative.   But it is completely appropriate to inform others how you want to be treated.   This is polite and proper.   Plus, if we are miserable, others around us feel it and that isn’t fair to those with whom we are close.    So, please politely stand your ground knowing that it is proper to do so. Abusive Neighbor Child Dear Polite One,  We recently moved to a new neighborhood. Where we used to live, play dates were generally arranged by the parents contacting each other to set up something mutually convenient, and they would usually accompany the kids and visit with the other parents while the children played. However, in our new neighborhood, kids drop by to play without calling fi...

  Abusers tend to use the same playbook: placate their prey, and then make excuses why the prey is worthy of abuse until the prey is worn down.   The cycle continues until the prey finds a way to stop it.   The abuser, typically, doesn’t have a reason or will to stop.   So, how does the abused end this cycle?   It’s never easy.   This is one of those cases.   How to Deal With Abusive Mother Dear Polite One,  Typically, when someone comes to visit, a host would plan enjoyable activities, choose restaurants to visit, tourist activities based on the guest's preferences.  However, this host doesn't want to even be in the same room with the impending guest, let alone host her.   My abusive mother is coming to visit me, even though we haven't spoken in two years, and she continues to abuse my siblings.  I stuck up for my siblings and there was a huge fight.  She acts as if nothing has transpired between us.  I didn't invite...