Sometimes it is difficult to recognize the difference between assertiveness and impolite behavior. Many people allow themselves to be brow-beaten or taking advantage of because they feel that it would be impolite to say anything that could be interpreted as negative. But it is completely appropriate to inform others how you want to be treated. This is polite and proper.
Plus,
if we are miserable, others around us feel it and that isn’t fair to those with
whom we are close. So, please politely
stand your ground knowing that it is proper to do so.
Abusive Neighbor Child
Dear
Polite One,
We
recently moved to a new neighborhood. Where we used to live, play dates were
generally arranged by the parents contacting each other to set up something
mutually convenient, and they would usually accompany the kids and visit with
the other parents while the children played. However, in our new neighborhood,
kids drop by to play without calling first.
Sometimes the parents even bring them over and drop them off without
calling first and seem annoyed if it's not a good time for us. I feel like I am
doing a lot of babysitting for other people's children.
My
4-year-old daughter has a same-age friend that shows up nearly every day to
play without calling us first. She is often argumentative and calls my 7-year-old
son insulting names and uses language I don't approve of. She does not listen
to me or follow the rules in our home. Today I had to warn her that if she
continued to behave this way she would have to go home. I eventually had to call her mother to pick
her up. She refused to leave and threw a
tantrum. After she went home, I discovered she had cut my daughter's hair!
How
can I set some limits without seeming overprotective or uptight or critical of
her child?
Frustrated
Dear
Frustrated
Stick
to your rules. If any of them do not call ahead they do not get through
the door, frowns, or no. This is very improper and rude behavior. It
is entirely appropriate for others to expect your ‘house rules’ to be
respected. Perhaps the parents will
begin to learn manners when others, such as you, exhibit it and expect
it.
Abusive Children in Park
Dear
Polite One,
I
frequent a local park with my four-year-old daughter. There are two boys
a bit older than her who hit her and call her names. The mother of
the boys does nothing, even when I rescue my daughter right in front of her,
telling her not to talk to people who hurt her. I thought the mother
would get the hint, but she won’t do anything! Should I talk to the boys
and/or her directly? What is the etiquette involved here?
Thank
you,
Tired
of bullying
Dear
Tired of bullying,
I
sympathize and often felt like approaching the parents of children who are
hurtful to my children. However, it would just make the parents angry and
likely nothing would change. However, since you haven’t had any success with
the indirect approach, you may have to risk reproach and discuss this with the
non-parenting mother. Perhaps you could ask her to please tell her children to
leave your child alone. There is nothing impolite with standing up for
your daughter.
Sincerely,
The
Polite One
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