What is proper birthday party etiquette?

Guests Contribute to College Fund

Dear Polite One,

My son turns five next month and I want to inform all guests to contribute to his college fund.  He has enough toys and I must consider his future.  How do I list this on the invitation?  Will an evite work?

Wants Donations

Dear Wants Donations,

I’m sorry but this would be most impolite.  Hosts never request cash or any type of monetary contribution for a child’s birthday.  If your child is lucky enough to have all his needs met, you could inform guests not to give gifts.  This would be best.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Host Wants Guests to Host

Dear Polite One,

What should I do?  My daughter’s best friend is having a birthday party.  Her mother has requested all parents attend to help monitor the children while they play at a local miniature golf course.  Plus, we are all expected to pay our cost and that of our child.

Help!

Dear Help!

Yikes!  This is most impolite.  The host should never expect—or demand—guests pay for the party. 

This is difficult since it involves your daughter’s best friend.  So, it appears you have little choice.  Either you pay up and grumble or decline the invitation risking your daughter’s hurt feelings. 

If you decide to pay and grumble, attend and smile.  If not, be honest with your child about why you made this decision.

There is a third, albeit risky, alternative.  If you are close, or even on speaking terms, with the mother, you could inform her that you’ve read—heard, know, etc—that it is a major no-no to ask guests to pay.  You could frame it such that it appears you are trying to save her from embarrassment.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Host Wants Guests to Pay

Dear Polite One, 

My daughter is invited to a friend's birthday party for which we are expected to pay for the meal and a gift. Shouldn't the host (parent of the birthday child) pay for the party? What is proper birthday party etiquette? 

Thanks

Aghast in Alabama

Dear Aghast in Alabama, 

I'm aghast as well.  Yikes!  Guests should never be expected to open their wallets. Hosts provide the "entire" party. Additionally, hosts never request gifts, even for a child's birthday party.  

Sincerely, 

The Polite One

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