Got Etiquette Advice?

  How to List Doctors on Invitation Envelope? Dear Polite One , How does one address an envelope for the two following scenarios? 1) The wife is a physician, but the husband is not. 2) Both the wife and husband are physicians, and she used her maiden name. Lots of Doctors Dear Lots of Doctors, The doctor and husband: Doctor Jane and Mr. John Smith The doctor couple: Doctor Jane Jones Doctor John Smith Most sincerely, The Polite One What is the Proper Salutation for Doctor Couple? Dear Polite One , How do you write the correct salutation when both the husband and wife are doctors? Doctors All-Around Dear Doctors All-Around, If you are close friends, you would use their first names.  If this is a formal or business letter, you would use the title doctor for both: Doctors Smith, Doctor Sam Smith, and Doctor Tina Smith, or Doctors Tina and Sam Smith.  Most sincerely, The Polite One Don’t Know Husband’s Name and the Wife is ...

  Dear Polite One , How does one address heterosexual domestic partners with a child ? The child has the last name of the father. The child's middle name is the mother's last name. How should envelopes be addressed? How should the inside of a formal letter/invitation and informal letter/invitation be addressed? Sue Smith and Frank Jones and Zak    The Smith-Jones Family                      Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith and Son (or Zak) Should their signatures read Sue Smith, Frank Jones, and Zak Smith-Jones or Frank, Sue, and Zak? Confused Dear Confused, The formal invitation uses two envelopes.  The outer would read Mr. Frank Jones and Ms. Sue Smith on two lines.  The inner envelope would read Mr. Jones, Ms. Smith, Zak Smith Jones all on separate lines.  The informal invitation would read the Jones-Smith F...

  Etiquette is basically the protocol we use in any given situation.   It is the behavior expected of us.   Still, not everyone is comfortable with their knowledge of what is considered proper or appropriate.   On an average day, I will receive questions about all aspects of etiquette. Here are a few questions from some of our readers.   One thing you may notice in my responses is that the etiquette I suggest makes sense.   It is logical.   Shirtless Party? Hi Polite One , Is it improper to go shirtless on a hot summer day at a backyard barbeque with friends and close family members? Shirtless Dear Shirtless, If this is a pool party, it would be fine as many would be shirtless and in swimsuits.   However, if it is simply a dinner party or gathering, it is best to remain clothed.   Ask yourself if it would be an appropriate time for the ladies to be wearing swimsuits or go shirtless.   If the answer is no, then the men s...

  When we lose someone near and dear, we grieve , but also have questions.   I can’t help with the grieving process, but I can do this... May I wait 6 Months to Host Memorial Services? Dear Polite One , I was just wondering if you know of any rules or guidelines concerning the timing of memorial services.  Is there a time limit as to how many days/weeks/months one can wait to have a service for a loved one who's passed?  Is it acceptable to wait 6 months for an entire group of family and friends to all be available to come together to collectively honor one who is gone?  Many Questions Dear Many Questions, Please accept my sincerest sympathies for your loss. There is no set timeline and is a personal decision.  Sometimes this type of gathering must be hosted weeks after the person has passed.  However, typically the memorial is held within the first month.  This is not a rule, just an observation.  That said, it is perfectl...

    Dear Polite One, I received a large monetary gift from a relative.  She stated that she would rather distribute it while she is still living and get joy from seeing how it is used.  I thanked her verbally when I received it and would like to know what the proper follow-up is.   She and I both live in the same small town and I visit her frequently.  Should I still send a written thank-you note through the mail, or give it to her when I visit her this week or is a verbal thank you appropriate? Thank you for your suggestions. Thankful Dear Thankful, Generally, a verbal thank you is fine when you receive a gift face to face.  However, a handwritten thank-you card sent by snail mail is more personal and very proper. Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What is a good thank-you gift for my city bus driver? No Gift Hubby! What’s a Wife to do? Was it wrong to give a gift to her husband?

  Dear Polite One, We just recently completed a home remodel and had an open house party with cocktails and  horse  d'oeuvres .   Many of the roughly 100 guests brought housewarming gifts, although we didn’t expect them.   Are thank-you notes appropriate? Wonderful Friends Dear Wonderful Friends, It sounds like you are a gracious host!  Excellent.  A handwritten thank you note for gifts you receive is always a great idea.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How can I include my registries on my housewarming party invitation? Who hosts a housewarming party, when and how? What is an appropriate housewarming gift?

Dear Polite One, My husband and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for 25 years.  In the past, he gave me a gift on Valentine’s Day and for our anniversary but never for Christmas or my birthday.  Now he doesn’t give me anything, not even a card.  How do I respond to that? Tracy Dear Tracy, In my opinion and experience, most men are much more direct than women.  Women tend to "infer" their preferences, while men directly state them.  It may be best for you to speak directly to your husband about your feelings.  Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable purchasing gifts .  Perhaps his feelings have changed.  You won't know unless you discuss this with him.  But prepare to hear something you may not want to hear.  I hope it is not hurtful.  Having said this, I am not a therapist or a relationship expert, although I have some experience due to my job.  I can only offer my opinion.  So, take my advi...

  Dear Polite One, My city bus driver is very nice and always waits for me at the bus stop before she leaves.  She always goes above the expected. What kind of gift is appropriate to give her as thanks? Thanks, Tracie Dear Tracie, Great question!   We should acknowledge those with whom we have a relationship or who have assisted us.  The holidays are a perfect time to do this, but we can give our thanks any time.  Since the bus driver isn't a close friend, it is best to give her something generic, but thoughtful and not too expensive.  Use what you know about her.  Does she always wear cute little pins on her uniform?  Does she always have a Starbucks coffee on her dash?  Those are clues to thoughtful gifts you could give.  Perhaps she loves to read.  Try to find out as much as possible in a few days to make a good choice.   A gift card of $20-$25 is a good amount to a coffee shop or bookstore is...

  Dear Polite One, I'm attending a brief hour at a neighbor's house to discuss "town" issues and meet for the first time.  The neighbors are inviting a few couples and have offered cocktails .  Is it appropriate for us to bring a bottle of wine since it will be the first time to our neighbor's home?  My husband thinks it is overkill given that we're only going over for an hour and probably one drink. Please advise. Thanks, Gail  Dear Gail, This is optional.  But it is a very nice gesture and something I would do.  This neighbor has offered his home and refreshments.  So, it is polite to offer something.  Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Dinner Party Etiquette in Four Situations When guests bring food, should they take the leftovers home? How do I politely decline offers of help?

  Hello Polite One, My partner and I disagree about the proper etiquette when guests bring food to a dinner party . She insists on sending whatever is leftover back home with them (especially dessert). She does it mostly because she doesn't want it in the house.  But the guests often look offended, as if we didn't enjoy the food . I say we should keep it, offer it to them perhaps, but not insist. Any thoughts? Thank you. Lynn in Trinidad, California Dear Lynn in Trinidad, California, Great question.  When a guest gives you something, even food, it is a gift .  If you return it to them, it is as if you are saying that you didn't want it. I guess you win this disagreement. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Dinner Party Etiquette in Four Situations When guests bring food, should they take the leftovers home? How do I politely decline offers of help? 

  Dear Polite One, My question deals with offering alcoholic beverages at parties . Is it rude for the host who does not drink himself, to not offer drinks to those who do?  I would love to know the answer because I am planning a dinner party and am unsure. Sober Dear Sober, It isn’t entirely rude, but it is slightly inconsiderate.  As hosts, we should always consider our guest’s preferences.  And people who do drink like to do so during a party.  It is just a common component found at parties.  This isn’t to say that it cannot be done.  You could verbally inform your guests that you do not drink and therefore won’t be serving any alcohol .  They can then choose to attend or not.  You could serve drinks that seem like alcoholic drinks minus the alcohol.  There are many recipes online for ‘virgin’ drinks. Another option is to host your “gathering” in the early afternoon when most don’t drink alcohol.  Perhaps it could b...

Dear Polite One, We are going to visit my brother-in-law and his wife.  While visiting them, his boss is throwing a birthday party for his twin daughter's one-year-old birthday.  Although we do not know the family, my brother-in-law has requested we attend the party with them.  He has his boss’s permission.  Our question is, should we bring a gift for the girls that we do not know, or is just a gift from my brother-in-law correct? Stephanie Dear Stephanie, You are not expected to give a gift to the children .  However, you have been included and should give a hostess gift, such as flowers. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Hostess Gift, Buffets, and Dietary Dilemmas Two Tips for New Relationships How did the American method begin?