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How to deal with ungrateful gift givers and rude behavior

 How to deal with ungrateful gift givers and rude behavior

How do I respond to the rude behavior of one asking for gifts?

Dear Polite One, 

As an unmarried adult with no children, I don't particularly like giving holiday gifts to all my cousin's children. I do so out of appearance’s sake.  This year I decided to only give to those under the age of 12, which left two children out at the family holiday party.  I did feel odd about it, as all the other adults gave to all the children.

The parent, one of my cousins, called to ask if the gifts were misplaced.  I was flabbergasted! How do I respond to this rude behavior? 

Reluctant Giver

Dear Reluctant Giver, 

Because gift-giving is optional, it is your choice to give or not.  Nevertheless, you have been giving gifts to all the children up until now.  Excluding the older ones without speaking to the family first probably caused hurt feelings.  All of this was probably noticed by all at the party.  It could have humiliated them.  To avoid hurt feelings in the future, it may be best to suggest a cut-off age for gift giving with your family.  There may be other family members who feeling the same as you.   

As for the call about the missing gifts, I feel it was a breach of etiquette. However, she may have thought that gifts could have been lost.  

Sincerely,

The Polite One

How to Save Working Relationship

Hello Polite One,

I thought I was close enough with a co-worker to give her a sweater I found and thought it was perfect for her.  She appeared to be pleased that I thought of her, but six months later she returns it to me stating that it doesn't fit her anymore.  She's lost weight.  It hasn't even been worn!  I'm crushed.  How can I save this working relationship when I feel hurt like this?

Hurting in Missouri

Dear Hurting in Missouri,

Yes, what she did was very unkind.  Returning a gift is rarely a nice thing to do.  Plus, stating that it is too big implies that you are heavier than her.  Not polite.  So, your feelings are understandable.  Perhaps this isn't the type of person to be friends with anyway.  It may be best to just view her as a workmate--neutral.  Over time, the hurt will subside.  

Having said that, giving such personal gifts to a co-worker is not wise.  To know someone else's taste well enough is nearly impossible.  Moreover, a gift of clothing could cause the other person to wonder what the giver really means by the gift, especially in the case of a gift by a man to a woman.  So, please do not repeat this gesture.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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