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Eating From a Common Dish

fruit, cut fruit

Hello, Polite One,

Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to learn from you, Ms. Black.

I either suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder or am appalled by discontinuities in common manners.  I think I prefer the latter since the former is simply much too clinical for me.

My question: when I make a dish like "Chile Con Queso" or some "Pico de Gallo," the kids (all four 25+) grab chips from the bag and all dip from the common bowl as opposed to what I think should occur; that being everyone should have their own dip filled bowls on a plate with chips on the plate.  I somehow find it simply unthinkable to share from a common bowl.  What do you think? 

Here's another little gem...when the kids arrive after a long road trip, I find it unsettling that they do not bother to shower before they go to bed.  I find it unsettling still when they arrive that they take their shoes off and rest their sweaty feet on my coffee table or my sofa before they shower, and that their sweaty bodies are on my furniture.

Stressed in Tulsa

Dear Stressed,

I think this is simply a point of view because these events can be seen in two different ways.  Salsa and other types of dip are meant to be eaten from a common bowl.  Still, a person is not supposed to double-dip.  That’s where we came up with that term. 

If you want them to eat from separate bowls, place a ladle in the larger bowl and provide smaller bowls for each person.  Or separate the dip into smaller bowls for them.  This is quite proper.

Just because they have traveled a distance doesn’t mean that they are sweaty or dirty.  They may just be tired and want to sleep.  As for removing their shoes, that is considered polite behavior in many cultures.  Of course, setting their feet on your furniture is not. 

Many of us remove our shoes when we enter someone’s home.  Shoes are very dirty for obvious reasons.  So, this is another view of this side of the argument.  It is simply a preference.

Perhaps just try to take joy that your children want to spend time with you.  As parents, we raise our children to be independent, and sometimes that means they move far away, so we rarely see them.  And sometimes their careers keep them busy which means visiting parents often is not possible.  You are a lucky father. 

Sincerely,

Rebecca

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