How do I inform guests of attire, gift request and they pay for meals?

Dear Polite One,

I’m hosting my retiring husband a dinner and dance. Guest are required to pay for their meal, but I will pay for all gratuities, which comes to a pretty penny. How do I convey this on the invitation, plus that gifts are welcome, and the event is formal? I expect guests to dress in black tie. How do I inform guests?

Wife of retiree

Dear Wife of Retiree,

There is a very simple rule: you invite, you pay. Guests should never be expected to pay for the party. If he wants a party, he needs to pay for it. So, if this party is too expensive, it should be revised or scaled-down. Requesting gifts is another social faux pas. It's just not good manners.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

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