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Friend is Insulted Due to Party Exclusion. What to do?

angry child

Hello Polite One,

We are hosting a birthday party for our daughter who is turning 16.  She chose not to invite a friend of hers to the party but said that she is not angry or upset at the individual and that he is still a friend.  However, she finds him annoying at times and would rather he not come to the party. 

This has become awkward due to the slight.  We know the family well and the grandmother asked our daughter why she did not invite the grandson to the party.  He is insulted and hurt.

HELP, I don’t know what to do!!

Yikes!

Dear Yikes!

Awkward, but not uncommon.  I believe the best way to deal with this is to tell a little white lie.  Perhaps the story could be that you and your daughter wanted (or needed) to keep the guest list very small (or limit the number of guests, no more than… ) for a seemingly valid reason (choose one, like the size of the room or intimacy) and that it was very difficult to choose between all of her friends. 

Of course, also include that as a host you and your daughter had to factor in all the personalities as well as who gets along with whom was a major concern.  Then you and she could apologize that he didn't make the cut and hope that this doesn't hurt the relationship moving forward.  All of this should be said as if it was difficult, but that it was the right thing to do--smile, making good eye contact, but empathetic. 

It wasn't fair or polite for the grandmother to ask your daughter why her grandson didn't receive an invitation as she is an adult.  It's awkward and stressful for a child.  Very impolite.  It seems that all of us should realize that even though we are friends with others, we can't be invited to all their functions. 

I hope this helps you and your daughter.  Please let her know that this is a common issue and that she has done nothing wrong.  This is what hosts do.  We try to ensure our guests are comfortable.  And, if that means eliminating a guest who doesn't mix well with others, then that's what the good host does.

Most sincerely,

The Polite One

More by The Polite One

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How to deal with abusive family members.

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