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Don't Register for Housewarming Parties!

 Housewarming party etiquette, gifts, registering

When hosting a party, any type of party, it’s best to remember that a host provides the party and shouldn’t expect to be rewarded for it.  A housewarming party is just one of those examples.  These are not necessarily gift-giving events.  However, the general rule is when giving a gift, it is a small token for the home.  Traditionally, this would be trivets, potted plants, small items, etc.  Here are two examples of how some just get it wrong.   

When hosting a party, any type of party, it’s best to remember that a host provides the party and shouldn’t expect to be rewarded for it.  A housewarming party is just one of those examples.  These are not necessarily gift-giving events.  However, the general rule is when giving a gift, it is a small token for the home.  Traditionally, this would be trivets, potted plants, small items, etc.  Here are two examples of how some just get it wrong.   

Friends Registered for Their Housewarming Party

Dear Polite One,

A friend just moved into his second home with his wife and is planning a combo cookout-housewarming party. Even though this married couple has been married for years they are expecting gifts at their party! The provided options are: bring something; purchase off their registry at Macy’s, or come empty-handed.

I see this as tacky to even mention a registry or even hosting a housewarming. None of us are young anymore, this is not their first home and they had a housewarming party for their first home.

As his friend I told him upfront “DON’T DO IT!” 

None the less, now he is quite angry with me. He says he is not angry, but I know my friend. He did not like me telling him this.

What are your thoughts?

Regards,

John

Dear John,

You are a wonderful friend.  Thank you for trying to help him.  All housewarmings are supposed to be treated as a party to warm the home with love, not gifts.  Even housewarming parties for first home buyers or young people, are to be expected to be gift-giving events. 

Many are confused these days because of reality shows, which have nothing to do with reality, and everything to do with promotions of huge store chains.  A few years ago, a chain store promoted registering for housewarming and graduation gifts which resulted in some actually believing this was proper.  So, now we have many who do not realize this is socially inept behavior.  In fact, as you have witnessed, these people feel entitled to do so and become angry when told that it is far from proper. 

This very simple rule makes it easy for all of us to keep from making a mistake: you invite, you pay.  Plus, we never create a gift-giving situation for ourselves.  This makes it simple.

Dear Polite One,

My husband’s best friend and wife invited us to their housewarming party.  Included in their invitations were inserts for their registries.  Yes, multiple. They registered for very expensive items like $100 sheets!  I just bought them wedding and shower presents last year!  What do I do? I find this disgusting, but some of our friends just roll their eyes and say that it's what people are doing these days.  I don't want to cause a problem, but I just don't think I can go and pretend this is all right.  

Disgusted in LaLaLand

Dear Disgusted in LaLaLand,

Perhaps you could give them an etiquette book, as it appears, they both may need manners training.  

This trend began as a large store chain promoted registering for all occasions.  The promotion was, “Why register for only weddings and showers?”  Of course, many bought into it believing that it is now appropriate.  Why not?  It is great for the hosts of these parties as well.    Even more disturbing is that some are beginning to call this a housewarming shower.  

You are not obligated to attend or to send a gift.  It would be best if others wouldn’t as well. Please let others know what I've said and what is in print is all etiquette books when they say that this is the new normal.  It isn't.  

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