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Why Can't My Friends Host My Housewarming Party?

 Party Time!

Dear Polite One,

I was reading your responses to the appropriateness of registering for one's own housewarming. And I completely agree. However, let me run this past you and you tell me what you would do if you were me. 

I'm 43 years old. I have never been married, and Mr. Wonderful seems to be on the slow boat with only ONE oar in the water! I've saved and saved and SAVED to finally purchase my own home: a condo. It's been a major focus over the past 10 years.

I have two friends who want to host a "new home shower" for me as a major celebration of a long, long journey. A third friend has thrown the etiquette flag on the field, stating that she doesn't think it's proper.

What I find ironic is we throw wedding showers for couples who live together before marriage; baby showers for women who aren't married--and might not even have a relationship with the baby's father, and yet it's improper to have a shower for someone who has worked diligently and faithfully to finally own something of her own? It doesn't seem right.

What say you? Should I greenlight my two friends to host a shower? If so, do I provide a list of things that I need? EVERYONE has asked me, more than once: "What do you need???" I have NO kitchen supplies at all, for instance. I don't think I should "register" for anything, but couldn't I request certain things if someone were to ask?

Thanks so much!

MJ in CA 

Dear MJ in CA,

Congratulations on your new home.  Let’s break this down beginning with your comparisons. 

Showers that include gifts for weddings are waning.  Many people find it awkward and greedy to be expected to give someone two wedding gifts, which is what the wedding shower has become.  More couples are opting for the ‘giftless shower.  Plus, that comparison isn’t quite the same. 

What you are asking people to do is to reward you for buying a home.  Sure, it takes time to save and diligence on your part.  But others really aren’t obligated to give you gifts because you were able to do it. 

So, no.  It isn’t appropriate even though some may doing it.  It isn’t viewed positively as you may have noticed from the very few responses I have offered on my site.  You should see the ones I don’t post!  Whoa. It is not pretty.  The language alone…  

A housewarming party is not a shower.  It is hosted by the homeowner.  You would be providing your guests with the party.  They don’t provide it for you.  If someone wants to give you a gift, that is fine.  Most often they do.  Thank them for their generosity.  But it isn’t a gift-giving event.  Sorry. 

My daughter’s Mr. Right was in the same slow boat you are waiting for.  She was single, 35, and bought her third home with no assistance.  No one gave her anything, although she gives to everyone.  She adopted a little one on her own and no one hosted a shower for her.  So, it may seem unbalanced, but gifts don’t flow to everyone.  In fact, I’ve never received a shower. 

So, your flag throwing friend is very perceptive and has saved you from embarrassment.  You owe her a big hug. 

Sincerely,

The Polite One

More by The Polite One

Don't Register for Housewarming Parties!

May I Host a Housewarming Party Without Alcohol?

Is There a Time Limit For Hosting a Housewarming Party?

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