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Dinner Party Etiquette in Four Situations

 Dinner Party Etiquette, everyday manners, hosting, hostess gift

You have just been invited to a dinner party!  What do you do?  Do you ask if you can bring something, thank the host for their offer?  Do you arrive fashionably late, at the stated time, or early?  Do I really need to RSVP? 

A polite guest thanks the host for inclusion and follows with an offer to bring something.  Perhaps a bottle of wine.  The gracious host typically states that it isn’t necessary.  Still, it is best to take a hostess gift anyway. 

Examples: bottle of wine, flowers, or even a small box of chocolate.  Knowing that I love wine and teach Wine Etiquette, one generous guest once gave me a book about wine.  His name is on my permanent guest list! 

What about your arrival time?  Well, that isn’t easy to answer with so many cultures in our world.  Some demand strict punctuality and some view time as irrelevant. To be on the safe side of the etiquette road, arrive at the stated time or no more than fifteen minutes after.   

And always RSVP!  Your host needs to know how to prepare to provide everything a guest would want.  Be the good guest, the one everyone has on their guestlist. 

When to Leave the Party?

Dear Polite One,

Please help! After 43 years of marriage, my husband still doesn’t know when to leave a dinner party.  I feel that one to two hours after dinner is plenty of time.  And I want to leave.  I cannot pry my husband out the door for another hour.  This dilemma is exhausting. 

Dear Exhausted, 

Your exhaustion is understandable especially since there really is no set etiquette rule.  Still, the host typically signals the end of the evening with a subtle gesture, such as offering coffee so your drive is easier, or asking what you plan to do tomorrow—a direct statement meaning that the party is over.  When that doesn’t work, the host will begin to pick up a few items, which means that they would like to clean up.  Watching body language is key.

We would never want to be on the bad guest list: those who don’t know when to leave.  So, if it were me, I wouldn’t stay longer than one hour after dinner.  Typically, if there are no games or any other diversions after dinner, one hour is sufficient. 

Good Guests Give Hostess Gifts 

Dear Polite One,

When invited for a barbeque or dinner should you bring something, or does it matter if you show up empty-handed? 

Dear Empty Handed,

It is always best to take a little gift when invited to someone's home.  Wine is always a good choice, as are flowers.  I would refrain from taking a dessert, only because the host may already have one planned.  The most important thing to remember as a guest is to thank the host and enjoy your time together. 

How to get guests to RSVP?

Dear Polite One, 

I've planned an elegant holiday cocktail party, which I relayed to guests with formal invitations mailed to each, including an RSVP.  Many of the guests won't RSVP, including a friend who states that he may stop by with a couple of friends.  My party is not a bar-crawl-type event.  It is intimate and subtle.  I don't just want people dropping by for a few drinks. How do I make him understand that only he is invited?  And how do I get guests to RSVP? 

Sincerely, 

Not a Drunken Bash

Dear Not a Drunken Bash 

It is best to follow up with those who don't reply on time.  Sometimes we need to help our guests learn how to be better guests.  Many just do not know to RSVP even when it is clearly stated how and when to do so.  For the person who states that he will "stop by" with friends, you may have to be firm and state that you are limiting your party to only those with whom you are close.  It may be best to discuss this with him verbally by phone or in person. He clearly doesn't understand your theme. It is perfectly polite to state this firmly.   

Most sincerely, 

The Polite One

Broken Wine Glass Dilemma 

Dear Polite One,

My husband and I were at a friend’s home for a casual dinner with eight others.  Wine was served with the meal and afterward, we moved to the living room for conversation and a game with our wine glasses. As happens when people get excited over a game, someone knocked over my wine glass and it broke. While the hostess was picking up the pieces she commented that the glass was expensive. Should I have brought the glass from the table and should I offer to pay for it?

Dinner Guest

Dear Dinner Guest,

There was nothing wrong with taking the glass into the living room. If you weren't expected to continue to drink wine, the host would have made references to making tea or coffee.  This is what we do when we are ending the alcohol service and beginning to prepare our guests for leaving. 

Offering to pay for the glass would be appropriate and should be viewed as generous.  However, a considerate host typically doesn’t mention the cost of a broken glass.  We only use glasses we can afford to break because glasses break.  In fact, I broke one of my favorites two days ago.  So, it was 'bad hostess' manners on her part. 

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