You
have just been invited to a dinner party!
What do you do? Do you ask if you
can bring something, thank the host for their offer? Do you arrive fashionably late, at the stated
time, or early? Do I really need to
RSVP?
A
polite guest thanks the host for inclusion and follows with an offer to bring
something. Perhaps a bottle of
wine. The gracious host typically states
that it isn’t necessary. Still, it is
best to take a hostess gift anyway.
Examples:
bottle of wine, flowers, or even a small box of chocolate. Knowing that I love wine and teach Wine Etiquette, one generous guest once
gave me a book about wine. His name is
on my permanent guest list!
What
about your arrival time? Well, that
isn’t easy to answer with so many cultures in our world. Some demand strict punctuality and some view
time as irrelevant. To be on the safe side of the etiquette road, arrive at the
stated time or no more than fifteen minutes after.
And
always RSVP! Your host needs to know how
to prepare to provide everything a guest would want. Be the good guest, the one everyone has on
their guestlist.
When to Leave the Party?
Dear Polite One,
Please
help! After 43 years of marriage, my husband still doesn’t know when to leave a
dinner party. I feel that one to two
hours after dinner is plenty of time. And
I want to leave. I cannot pry my husband
out the door for another hour. This dilemma is exhausting.
Dear
Exhausted,
Your
exhaustion is understandable especially since there really is no set etiquette
rule. Still, the host typically signals the end of the evening with a
subtle gesture, such as offering coffee so your drive is easier, or asking what
you plan to do tomorrow—a direct statement meaning that the party is over.
When that doesn’t work, the host will begin to pick up a few items, which means
that they would like to clean up. Watching body language is key.
We
would never want to be on the bad guest list: those who don’t know when to
leave. So, if it were me, I wouldn’t stay longer than one hour after
dinner. Typically, if there are no games or any other diversions after
dinner, one hour is sufficient.
Good Guests Give Hostess Gifts
Dear Polite One,
When invited for a barbeque or dinner should you bring something,
or does it matter if you show up empty-handed?
Dear Empty Handed,
It is always best to
take a little gift when invited to someone's home. Wine is
always a good choice, as are flowers. I would refrain from taking a
dessert, only because the host may already have one planned. The most
important thing to remember as a guest is to thank the host and enjoy your time
together.
How to
get guests to RSVP?
Dear Polite One,
I've planned an elegant holiday cocktail party, which I relayed to
guests with formal invitations mailed to each, including an RSVP. Many of
the guests won't RSVP, including a friend who states that he may stop by with a
couple of friends. My party is not a bar-crawl-type event. It is
intimate and subtle. I don't just want people dropping by for a few
drinks. How do I make him understand that only he is invited? And how do
I get guests to RSVP?
Sincerely,
Not a Drunken Bash
Dear Not a Drunken Bash
It is best to follow up with those who don't reply on time.
Sometimes we need to help our guests learn how to be better guests.
Many just do not know to RSVP even when it is clearly stated how and when
to do so. For the person who states that he will "stop by" with
friends, you may have to be firm and state that you are limiting your party to
only those with whom you are close. It may be best to discuss this with
him verbally by phone or in person. He clearly doesn't understand your
theme. It is perfectly polite to state this firmly.
Most sincerely,
The Polite One
Broken Wine Glass Dilemma
Dear Polite One,
My
husband and I were at a friend’s home for a casual dinner with eight
others. Wine was served with the meal and
afterward, we moved to the living room for conversation and a game with our wine
glasses. As happens when people get excited over a game, someone knocked
over my wine glass and it broke. While the hostess was picking up the
pieces she commented that the glass was expensive. Should I have brought the
glass from the table and should I offer to pay for it?
Dinner
Guest
Dear Dinner Guest,
There
was nothing wrong with taking the glass into the living room. If you weren't
expected to continue to drink wine, the host would have made references to
making tea or coffee. This is what we do when we are ending the alcohol
service and beginning to prepare our guests for leaving.
Offering
to pay for the glass would be appropriate and should be viewed as generous.
However, a considerate host typically doesn’t mention the cost of a broken
glass. We only use glasses we can afford
to break because glasses break. In fact, I broke one of my favorites two
days ago. So, it was 'bad hostess' manners on her part.
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