Hostess Gift, Buffets, and Dietary Dilemmas

What to bring to dinner?

Dear Polite One,

When invited to a dinner, family or not, should I bring a hostess gift, dessert, or wine?

Thanks

Empty-Handed

Dear Empty-Handed

It's best to ask if the host would like for you to bring something, like dessert. A good host will decline. But you should always take some sort of hostess gift, such as a bottle of wine, flowers, or candy.

The Polite One

How much to Pile on a Cocktail Party Plate?

Dear Polite One

When attending a Cocktail Party or Happy Hour and the host is having hors d’oeuvre to be eaten on a small saucer plate, how many of each item should you get or place on your plate?

Thank you,

James

Dear James,

There is no absolute here because items may be large or small and how can we assign a number to this. So, we should use discretion as not to appear ravenous or greedy. Just place a few, perhaps three items on your plate at a time. We wouldn’t want our plate to appear heaping full.

If this is a mixer where the object of the event is to mingle, eat a few items first, and then put the plate down. Mingling is the focus.

Sincerely,

The Polite One

Inform Host of Dietary Issue?

Dear Polite One,

What is the proper etiquette for letting a dinner party host know that you do not eat beef? Should they be made aware of that fact before the menu has been decided, or just decline to have any if that is what is served?

Thanks!

No Red Meat

Dear No Red Meat,

It’s best to contact the host directly after receiving the invitation. The host will be creating the menu and will need to know of dislikes and allergies. These days, many are on special diets and have aversions to certain types of food. So, it’s fair and polite to be open about it.

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Comments

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Dear Polite One , What is California cocktail attire? Thank you, Confused Dear Confused , There is no such thing. At times, it feels as if hosts just like to make these things up to confuse their guests. I’m sure that’s not the case. Still... Many hosts try to create a “feeling,” or more appropriately, “set the stage” for an event. So, they will incorporate a well-known attire category with a word that describes that elusive stage. This leads to the confusion we both feel since neither of us can actually see inside their minds. So, I suggest going with slightly laid-back cocktail attire, which typically is the suit for men and the little black dress or its equivalent for women. Perhaps skip the tie and accessories that appear expensive. Additionally, it is appropriate to call the host and ask for clarification. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to Decode ...

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