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Bridal Shower Rules: Who Hosts, Can Be Invited and Gift Obligations?

 Bridal shower gifts; planning, hosting and who is invited

Who Hosts a Bridal Shower

Since most bridal showers are gift-giving events, these parties should be hosted carefully.  Friends or a member of the wedding (especially the maid of honor) may host.  It could be a single-gender or co-ed party as well.

However, family members should never host, except for a sister if she is also a bridesmaid.  When family hosts, it is considered self-serving and as if begging for gifts.  

Hosts should be close friends to the bride.  Friends of the bride’s mother are not a good option if the bride doesn’t know them. 

May the bride host her shower?

Dear Polite One,

Since my wedding is very small – not including all my family and friends – may I invite them to my shower?  No one has offered to host one for me, so I was going to host it myself. 

Bride

Dear Bride, 

A friend or attendant, never the bridal couple, hosts a shower.  It's like asking for gifts for yourself.  Therefore, family doesn't host as well.  Additionally, only those invited to the wedding may be invited to the shower.  With a wedding this small it is probably a good idea to skip a shower.  Since so few are attending, it is as if you are asking for two wedding gifts.  

Sincerely, 

The Polite One

Who Can Be Invited to a Bridal Shower?

Only those invited to the wedding may be invited to a bridal shower.  It’s simple.  It would be impolite for guests to be expected to give a gift to someone who has deemed them not important enough to invite to the main event?  Not polite.  Additionally, if the wedding is small, the bridal shower should be gift-less or skipped entirely.  It’s not polite to ask guests to purchase two wedding gifts.

Dear Polite One,

What is the proper etiquette on shower invitees? Is it true that if you invite a guest to the bridal shower then they must be invited to the wedding?

Getting married soon

Dear Getting married soon,

Etiquette for bridal showers is extremely important, because—although the gift-less shower is gaining in popularity—this type of party is still considered a gift-giving event to many.

So only those invited to the wedding may be invited to bridal shower.  Still, not all wedding guests should be invited—only those close to the couple.  These should be small intimate parties. 

Registries may be listed on these invitations, but never request cash or gift cards.  We never mention what type of gift the guest should purchase or expect expensive gifts. 

Also, guests are never asked to pay for any part of the shower.  Hosts provide the entire party. 

Not Attending.  Gift Obligation?

Dear Polite One,

I'm invited to a bridal shower but cannot attend.  Am I obligated to send a gift? I am attending the wedding and giving a gift at that time.

Too Many Gifts

Dear Too Many Gifts,

The bridal shower is an optional party anyway.  So, if not attending, a gift is not necessary. 

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